


fake it 'til you make it

by wordsasweapons



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-06-30 09:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsasweapons/pseuds/wordsasweapons
Summary: evgenia and alina get way more attention than they would like from people they don't want attention from. they think fake dating each other will somehow make that better.it doesn'tor does it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> everyone loves a good fake dating fic, right my fellow gays? at least they figure things out sometimes. eventually. and for the sake of this evgenia goes to the japan open because, yeah.
> 
> anyway, enjoy.

_**~~~** _

 

"Hey there, Alina."

 

The voice behind her is all too familiar, and one she doesn't particularly care to hear at the moment. It was one of the new boys. She hadn't actually bothered to remember his name but she recognized his voice. Because he was always trying to talk to her. She wasn't a total diva though, so she always tried to be polite. Stopping in her tracks and turning around with a carefully placed smile.

 

"Hi," she says easily. He smiles just as easily, if not a bit eagerly.

 

"Where are you off to?"

 

"Home."

 

"Oh. Cool."

 

She was bored already. She was bored most times she found herself in conversation with the opposite sex. Usually, at this age, they cared about one thing and one thing only. And Alina was definitely not interested in any of that.

 

With a small in take of breath, attempting to tamp down in her impatience Alina points over her shoulder in a 'I'd like to get going so can you either spit it out or get lost' gesture.

 

"My grandmother is waiting, so... is there something I can do for you?"

 

He suddenly looks slightly flushed, appearing fidgety now after having been put on the spot like this, and eventually blurts out a string of words without so much as taking a breath in between. "Iwaswonderingifyouwantedtogoforawalkintheparkwithmesometimeandmaybegetsomefoodorsomething."

 

Alina stares at him. A bit dumbfounded because she didn't speak Nervous Hormonal Fifteen Year Old Boy. But she got the gist of it, at least. Putting on her usual polite I'm About To Crush Your Hormonal Heart smile.

 

"Listen, I'm flattered," she wasn't. "But I'm not really looking for...that. Skating is my main focus. I'm sorry." Again, she wasn't.

 

His eyes turn into these big and hurt, saucer looking eyes that she expected. She swears she sees his bottom lip quiver somewhat, and. Christ. But he nods in quick succession, mumbles something about that being cool and all and retreats. In every sense of the word.

 

Alina feels a little bad, even if for a moment. But then she continues on her way and about her business like nothing happened and forgets all about it. Except when she definitely tells one person about it later, after dinner and she's nestled into bed.

 

"You should have seen his face," she says with a fading bout of laughter.

 

"Do it again," comes Evgenia's voice through her laptop.

 

Once again Alina does what she thinks is an absolutely perfect impression of the boys face, causing Evgenia to giggle the exact same way she had the first time she had done it. It's a nice shot to the ego. And Evgenia has a nice laugh so I guess that's a pretty good bonus.

 

"God," Evgenia sighs. "You're such a heartbreaker, Zagitova."

 

"He had the audacity to invite me to the park," she says somewhat dramatically. Making Evgenia raise her brows quizzically. Alina exhales, almost offended.

 

"The _park_ , Zhen, that's sacred territory. That's our territory."

 

There's a ghost of a smile on the older girls lips now. "I suppose _I_ would have been the heartbroken one if I had heard you were spending time with a boy in our place."

 

"I would rather drown myself in that two feet of water than _ever_ betray you like that," Alina says. Hand over her heart.

 

"Now you're just unbelievably charming, I see why boys flock to you."

 

"You're an ass," Alina snorts. "What about you? Any new boy situations?"

 

Evgenia instantly rolls her eyes. "No, just the same old, same old."

 

Alina purses her lips and makes a sound that can only be described as 'yikes.' "He still can't take a hint?"

 

The older dark haired girl throws her hands up in mild exasperation, shaking her head. "I don't know how much clearer I can make it. 'Hey, Kristian, we can't date because I live in Canada and because I'm not into you like that at all' like, what's a girl gotta do?"

 

Alina narrows her eyes like she's giving that a great deal of thought. "Get an actual boyfriend and see if he backs off?"

 

"Even then, they think they have the divine right to pursue you."

 

"You're not wrong," Alina nods. "Say you're a lesbian?"

 

Evgenia's features scrunch up as she lets out a bemused snort. "Even then."

 

Alina sighs. "True." She pauses for a moment, then continues. "Say you're an alien species that lacks the concept of human relationships?"

 

"For crying out loud, Al," Evgenia bursts out laughing. Wiping at the corners of her eyes and then sighing as she regains her composure. "Whatever, forget him. Tell me about Masaru, how's my favorite Zagitova girl doing?"

 

"I thought I was your favorite?" Alina says with a pout. Evgenia just grins, bats her eyelashes and Alina succumbs just like that. Albeit a minor eye roll. Calling Masaru over to her and letting her jump onto the bed, even though she's technically not allowed up there.

 

"She's gotten so big," Evgenia coos. Leaning towards her laptop like she could somehow get closer and actually pet the dog.

 

Alina smiles, burying her nose in Masaru's neck for a moment before lifting her head back up. Watching Masaru stare intently at the other girl on her screen. "I think she recognizes your voice and face at this point."

 

"Yeah? Do you think she'd know it's me in person?"

 

"Probably. But once she gets a whiff of that personality up close and personal she'll probably hate you."

 

"Why do you like hurting me?" Evgenia whines.

 

Masaru grows uninterested in the laptop pretty quickly and settles herself down into Alina's side, the girl giving her easy scratches behind the ear as she just smirks. "They say hate and love are very close."

 

"I see," Evgenia nods. "I always knew you loved me. Is this why you turn down every boy?"

 

"Oh no," Alina deadpans. "You have discovered my deepest, darkest secret."

 

Evgenia hums. "Well, I have a secret to tell you."

 

She gestures at the camera like she wants Alina to lean in closer, and it's kind of ridiculous because it's not like she can _actually_  whisper anything directly into her ear. But Alina indulges her anyway, slowly leaning over her laptop.

 

Evgenia puts her hands around her mouth and whispers. "I love you, too."

 

Alina chuckles, leaning back to grin at the camera brightly. "You're an idiot."

 

"You would love dating me, okay," Evgenia says with certainty.

 

"I'm going to bed, Zhen."

 

"Wait!"

 

Her hand stops, hovering over the end call button and raises a brow. "Yes?"

 

"Give me a kiss goodnight."

 

"G o o d n i g h t, Zhenya."

 

She promptly ends the call there, laughing to herself. It doesn't take long for her phone to start vibrating somewhere in the middle of her bed. Small whimpers of protest come from Masaru as she fumbles around for it, the two of them eventually settling comfortably again once she locates the device. Finding precisely five text messages waiting for her.

 

_Wow_

_You have no idea how hurt I am_

_I may never forgive you_

_I hope you like knowing you broke my heart_

_JK. Goodnight, Al. Sleep well. You are my favorite btw <3_

 

Alina sends back exactly two text messages.

 

**I already knew I was but thanks for the confirmation ;)**

**Goodnight, Zhen :-)* there's your kiss**

 

.

.

.

 

The next day at practice is occupied by the usual things. And some very awkward glances in her direction from the boy she had turned down the day prior. She pretends she doesn't notice those pitiful eyes that she thinks are trying too hard to get her attention, and focuses on her business. A couple of the girls invite her to the dining hall for lunch but she opts to take hers elsewhere.

 

She winds up in the park when her grandmother comes by with some food and Masaru and tells her to take her for a walk while she ran a few errands. It was absolutely the best kind of break she could ask for, with exactly the only living creature she really cared about spending time with. Save for one.

 

And like she had summoned her presence somehow, Alina's phone rings. A picture of her and Evgenia displayed on the screen. She answers with a smile.

 

"I was just thinking about you."

 

"My heart just went whoosh," Evgenia speaks easily on the other end. "Are you busy?"

 

"Nuh uh, I'm on my break. Walking Masaru before I eat."

 

"Okay, so I've been thinking."

 

"That's never good."

 

"Hush."

 

Alina fights back a wider smile than the one she's already sporting. "Fine. What's up?"

 

"I know how to solve all our problems. Boy problems, that is."

 

"Wipe out the entire male population?" Alina says. Not entirely _not_ joking.

 

There's a small sigh on Evgenia's end, before she continues without acknowledging that. Alina thought it was a pretty good not entirely not fake joke. Oh well.

 

Evgenia continues briskly. "I just tell him, and any other guy, that I'm gay. Like you suggested."

 

"Oookay," she says. Evgenia was acting just last night like that wouldn't work, but she isn't about to argue about it. "How does that help me?"

 

"You say you're gay, too."

 

"Uh."

 

"With me. We're gay together."

 

"Umm."

 

"Perfect, right?" Evgenia sounds far too pleased with herself.

 

Alina tries to speak, but her voice catches in her surprise and she clears her throat with a small cough. "I'm sure that will work well for you, in Toronto. But you forget that I'm still in Russia and if I even pretend, that could end badly."

 

"I'm not saying stand in front of the Kremlin on a soapbox, megaphone in hand and shouting I'M A LESBIAN AND I'M DATING EVGENIA MEDVEDEVA!"

 

Alina immediately wants to shrivel up and die. Looking around like somehow someone could hear her phone call. There really isn't anyone nearby, save for a few old couples feeding ducks and kids who haven't returned to school yet kicking around a soccer ball.

 

"Just, you know, the people in our circles. That's who should know," Evgenia continues. Alina just swallows nervously.

 

"Can't we attempt world domination and the oppression of straight men instead?"

 

"That's the gayest thing I have ever heard you say. I love you."

 

"Evgenia."

 

"I love when you say my name so seriously."

 

"I'm actually going to kill you."

 

"I dare you."

 

Alina promptly hangs up and shoves her phone back into her jacket pocket. Evgenia was being ridiculous and she thinks... yeah, she's definitely got be pulling some shit. A joke. It wasn't really funny. Except it kind of was. The face that boy would make would probably be ten times funnier if she did indeed say she was gay. She walks about half the length of the pond and it's Masaru who stops in protest, Alina swearing the dog is actually glaring at her when she looks down. So she takes a seat and thinks a little more.

 

It would actually solve some problems. She knew a couple of guys in her group alone that were gay, and everyone knew. The other girls included. No one seemed to have a problem with it. And no one really talked about that with their coaching team. They didn't need to know. And there were definitely other gay guys in the skating community. Evgenia's friends with a few, at least. She doesn't know any lesbians, though. Maybe Evgenia just wanted to be first in something else? Even if it was fake. She was that competitive sometimes.

 

She already was physically at ease around Evgenia. She found it way easier to hug her than it was to hug any boy. She remembers very vividly this one instance where a boy in their age group a couple years back tried to hold her hand and she had snatched it away so quickly he had went splat on the ice and complained about a bruise on his butt for a week. Evgenia had taken her hand immediately after that, gave her a look that was really a question, 'are you okay?' and Alina had smiled and squeezed the other girls hand. They had stayed like that all through their coaches speech and only separated when they got back to practicing. Like it was the easiest and most natural thing in the world. That shouldn't be surprising. Evgenia was her best friend, after all.

 

I guess she could fake date her. Best friends did that all the time, right? Yeah. She's seen it in movies or shows or whatever. Plus, it really would give them a break sometimes from the unwanted male attention. She didn't trust anyone more than she trusted Evgenia. It makes _total_ sense.

 

Alina takes her phone out of her pocket and pulls up her messages with the girl, fingers hovering over the screen for a moment before she opts to tap the call button instead. It rings three times before the line clicks through. She doesn't give Evgenia the chance to even say hello.

 

"If we're dating, would girlfriend Alina get in more trouble than friend Alina if she said she hated your bangs?"

 

There's a pause, and then a small laugh. "Girlfriend Alina would get the silent treatment for a week. Friend Alina would get a text that says you wouldn't BELIEVE this bitch."

 

Alina lets out a laugh of her own, shifting her phone to the other ear and nibbling at her bottom lip for a beat. "Nothing will change, right?"

 

"Nope. Just put your arm around me sometimes when you see me and we're around other people. I'll give you a kiss on the cheek. And pat your butt."

 

"Your lack of actual dating is really showing right now."

 

"Fuck off, you have never dated either."

 

"Yeah," Alina sighs. "This will go over well, I'm sure."

 

"Just don't actually fall in love with me," Evgenia playfully warns.

 

Alina snorts. "I'm not worried about that. Don't you fall in love with me."

 

"Pft. No problem. I hate your little moles and the way your eyes sparkle when you smile."

 

"I really hate your run your fingers through them bangs and your Lorde look-a-like face."

 

And that's how Alina and Evgenia find themselves in a fake relationship they both think is totally genius and will solve all their problems.

Clearly they never finished those movies or those shows so they have NO idea how THAT ends.

 

.

.

.

 

The two of them decide pretty quickly that they weren't going to tell anyone about their "relationship" because they wanted to be as believable as possible. Because you don't half ass things. That's why. And there's nothing more shocking than a sudden reveal. Except, they were allowed to tell their best friends who weren't each other. Out of kindness, of course. Neither of them wanted to give them actual heart attacks. They pretend not to notice that means literally everyone else, including family, fell under the heart attack category.

 

"You're _what?!_ "

 

Nathan's exasperated voice fills the otherwise quiet space around her. Alina quickly bringing a finger to her lips.

 

"Shh, my grandmother is sleeping."

 

"I'm sorry," he says, lowering his voice. "I just. _What_? You're dating Evgenia?"

 

"It's not real, Nate. Remember? We're pretending."

 

"Oh, yeah. Because that always works!"

 

Alina rolls her eyes. "It's not like that, we both understand what's going on here."

 

"Does anyone else know about this _grand_ scheme of yours?"

 

"Zhenya told Yuzuru. We're only telling our best friends."

 

"Well, I'm touched, at least. I still think it's dumb."

 

"Why's it dumb?"

 

"Oh, my sweet gay baby," He coos.

 

"I'm not actually gay, Nathan."

 

He snorts i m m e d i a t e l y after she says those words.

 

"I'm not!" She exclaims.

 

"Have you ever shown any interest in a guy?"

 

"That doesn't immediately equate to lesbianism."

 

"Right. And I guess hopping right into the most convenient relationship with your hot gal pal doesn't either."

 

Alina narrows her eyes. "You think Evgenia's hot?"

 

"No, I think you think she's hot," he says. Giving her a very pointed, challenging look.

 

"I mean..." she starts.

 

"Oh my _god_."

 

.

.

.

 

"Why on earth are you telling me this?" Yuzuru asks. Still somewhat stunned from the news his friend had just dropped right into his lap.

 

Evgenia shrugs from her spot on the couch, grabbing another fistful of popcorn from the bowl sat between them. "We thought it was the nice thing to do."

 

"Oh, yay! I'm glad you're so considerate. And I can't believe you're already a gross _we_ person."

 

"Fake we people."

 

"Uh huh. This reeks of gay disaster."

 

Evgenia laughs casually, glancing at her friend next to her. "Stop being dramatic. And you know, just don't tell anyone. We want them surprised."

 

"Now you just sound like you're pulling an elaborate prank."

 

"It kind of is."

 

Yuzuru presses his lips together. "It's a prank right up until someone gets hurt and you regret this whole thing."

 

"No one's getting hurt, Yuzu."

 

He shoots her a sideways glance that says nothing more than _I don't believe you_. Evgenia ignores it.

 

"Besides," she says between popping a few kernels into her mouth and chewing before picking up her phone. Promptly shoving it at him and showing him her lockscreen. A picture of the two girls, from a few months back. Evgenia squishing Alina's face while the other girl appears caught in a squeal of laughter. "Who could ever hurt this squishy baby?"

 

"God help us all," he sighs.

 

.

.

.

 

"Psst, earth to Zagitova!"

 

Alina's had her head buried in her phone for who knows how long, making a point of avoiding any of the usual girl talk going on. And when Alena's voice finally registers to her, she lifts her head with some annoyance and swats at the hand waving in front of her face.

 

"What?" she says in a short tone. Alena's hands coming up.

 

"Don't bite my head off. We just wanted to know if you wanted to come to the movies with us this weekend."

 

That's a thing the girls started doing more. Inviting her places. It kind of started happening way more when all of her closest friends ended up leaving. She was never really sure if it was because they felt bad for her, or they genuinely wanted to spend time with her. At first she had thought it was a little unfair that the ones she actually knew were her friends had to be the ones who left. But she's moved past it.

 

"Uh," she starts. Glancing down at her phone and then back up. "Thanks, but I kind of have plans."

 

There's a small scoff somewhere in another corner. Sasha being the source. "You? With plans? I have to see that."

 

Alina doesn't know if she wants to roll her eyes or blush. She ends up going somewhere in-between both. "You would just be a third wheel."

 

"Third wheel?" Alena questions with furrowed brows, before they quickly shoot up and she gives Alina an open mouthed point. "Do you have a _date_?"

 

Technically, she did. A fake one. That wasn't really all that fake because a movie over Skype with Evgenia was actually a pretty normal thing on the weekends. She reasons with herself that she might as well play this up, I mean. Evgenia was probably doing the same thing? That was the plan?

 

"As a matter of fact, I do." She finally answers with a bit of a raised chin and a slight smugness to her tone. Nothing would make her cooler than being the only one with a significant other, right?

 

It works far easier than she would have thought. Both Sasha and Alena plopping themselves down in front of her like attentive kindergartners at story time. Both of them speaking at the same time when they say, "Tell us everything."

 

"What's his name?" Alena adds.

 

Sasha following up with, "Where does he live?"

 

Alina was feeling pretty good about herself right up until those questions. She can't quite say the word _her_. And she can't quite say the name _Evgenia_. So she makes a completely new person up, to go on top of her already existing fake relationship.

 

"His name is Alex. He doesn't live here."

 

_Good job, Zagi._

 

And she runs away from the whole thing as quickly as she can after that. Both girls think she's the coolest person ever now with her mystery boyfriend and demand she joins them for a manicure outing some other day and tell them more. Tell them about her big date. Alina suddenly has never wanted to be the least popular person around more in her entire life.

 

Of course, she doesn't shy away from telling Evgenia any of this during that planned Skype call. After all, that is still her best friend. It felt weird not telling her anything.

 

"I can't believe you're cheating on me," Evgenia sighs forlornly.

 

Alina has a hand over her face. "He's not real. And you and I aren't in a real relationship for me to even cheat on you."

 

"I gave you everything. I was half a--"

 

"Please do not quote Mean Girls to me."

 

Evgenia lets out a soft laugh, rolling over onto her stomach to better look at her laptop. "Sorry. It's stuck in my head now. Did you like it?"

 

"I thought it was pretty Grool."

 

"God, you're cute."

 

Alina smiles a bit of a stupid smile at that. Suddenly glad she's lying flat on her back and staring at the ceiling so Evgenia can't actually see her face.

 

"And you don't regret staying in with me and a movie as opposed to going out and seeing one with other people?"

 

There's a bit of vulnerability in those words. Sometimes she picked up on this. Like Evgenia needed reassurance that Alina was still in her corner after everything that happened, that she wasn't going to suddenly disappear on her. Alina still kind of hates herself for going a little over a month without speaking to her friend.

 

She slowly rolls over onto her stomach, mimicking the other girls position as she stares sincerely into the camera. Or rather, soft brown eyes.

 

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

 

Evgenia's gaze falls a bit, a faint smile pulling slowly up at the corners of her mouth. Alina thinks she spots a bit of a glow in those cheeks. Maybe it's just the terrible lighting through the computer. And because they couldn't go longer than a breath without making everything a joke, Evgenia lifts her head back up and finds Alina's eyes. That shy, vulnerable smile replaced with the classic Evgenia Smize.

 

"Is it because you have a big, lesbian crush on me?"

 

Alina half laughs, half groans with a roll of her eyes. "You know, one day I'm actually going to be telling you something important and you're going to make a joke. And then I'll probably hate you forever."

 

"Alina."

 

She only half looks at the screen. Not willing to give the girl her full attention. Just in case.

 

"What?"

 

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else either."

 

.

.

.

 

_A guy tried hitting on me at Starbucks today_

 

**Did you tell him you had a girlfriend?**

 

_Yes. I said she has knife shoes and could slit his throat_

 

**What the fuck**

 

_I got some looks_

 

**Surprised you didn't get taken away**

 

_Would you be my prison wife ;)_

 

**I have practice, goodbye Zhen**

 

.

.

.

 

 

"Alina!"

 

The tandem duo of Sasha and Alena, aka her newest fanbase, pop up seemingly out of nowhere and stop her in the hall on her way to the gym. She just wanted to stretch out and cool down and go home. Her grandmother was fixing something special, as was their Friday tradition, and Alina just wanted to lay on the floor afterwards with Masaru as her pillow. She didn't want to field questions about her fake boyfriend, working overtime to come up with things about him.

 

She lets out a heavy sigh, muttering a _shit_ under her breath and realizing Nathan was probably right; she cussed way more than people might think.

 

"Hey, girls," she says sweetly as she turns around. Flinging her towel over her shoulder and trying to appear as relaxed as possible. "What's up?"

 

Both of them exchange smiling glances with each other for a beat, and then turn back to her. Alina thinks for a moment they look like evil genius's plotting to destroy her. She knows they're both harmless, but still. Wanting to know what they wanted to know couldn't be that big of a deal?

 

"We know you didn't go out last weekend."

 

"What?"

 

"You were on Skype for _hours_ on Saturday," Alena declares. Like she's caught her in the most despicable lie.

 

"Are you, uh, stalking me?" She asks, shifting from one foot to the other.

 

"Skype tells you when people are online," Sasha says matter of factly. Of course, how could she forget that.

 

Alina lets out a small, awkward little laugh. "Well, like I said. He doesn't live in town, so. We had to have our date that way. Besides, you didn't go out either then, so HA!"

 

Both of them give her looks like she's the one who's being ridiculous, not responding to the end of her little spiel. "We think you should invite him into the city one day. And let us meet him," Alena says with a sure nod. Alina is starting to get that _they're trying to destroy me_ vibe again just looking at their expressions.

 

"You know, to make sure he's worthy of an Olympic champion," Sasha adds. Causing Alina to laugh shortly and awkwardly again.

 

Scratching the back of her neck, she shrugs. "That's nice and all, but, uh. No way."

 

"We'll figure all your secrets out eventually, Zagitova."

 

Both of them give her a perfectly in unison wave and smile before they head off. Alina actually _exhales_ when they round the corner and she's left alone again. And the first thing she does is pull out her phone and send a slightly desperate text.

 

**Do you think you can get on a plane and pretend to be my boyfriend Alex who doesn't live here?**

 

 _???_  
_Alina no  
_ _Everyone knows who I am_

 

**Wear a mask?**

 

_Alina_

 

 **How many brothers do you have again?**  
**Maybe you plan your own twin named Alex**

 

 _Smh_  
_Isn't Evgenia supposed to be your fake person?_

 

**I...might have lied more**

 

_Gay panic_

 

**NATHAN SHUT UP**

 

 

.

.

.

 

She's sitting in a mess of her own clothes and equipment in the middle of her room at the end of the week. She had to get everything prepared to head for the national team camp, followed by the open skates they were all required to participate in. She absolutely despised packing, and was prone to flinging this and that into her suitcase and hoping for the best. She maybe got a little better at picking when she ended up taking a Not For The Ice summer skirt one year and Evgenia had teased her relentlessly for being _too spicy_. The damn thing had dogs sewed into it, there was nothing spicy about that.

 

That's how she starts thinking about the fact that she's going to be seeing Evgenia for the first time in months. For the first time since she moved to Canada and she didn't really know how this was going to go down. They had their moments in the beginning, but they worked past it. They have spoken every single day despite the time difference. But what would it be like in person? What would it be like around the _she who must not be named_ person?

 

There was also the Oh Yeah Evgenia And I Are Fake Dating factor, so. Alina really had no idea what to expect. She supposes cheek kisses and butt pats for the most part. She had a lot to think about and she was tired. Masaru pads over to her and looks at her like she's trying to read whether or not her owner needed some sort of comfort or not.

 

Alina smiles, reaching out and giving the top of Masaru's head a little caress. "Thank god you're the least complicated thing in my life."

 

Masaru gives a quiet bark in response, she's started to know better not to be too loud, and turns her head to lick her hand.

 

She hears her phone somewhere behind her, flopping over backwards into her clothes to reach for it rather than get up. Holding the device over her head she opens the newest text from Evgenia and finds a picture attached to it. Evgenia sitting in her suitcase with a few articles of clothing on top of her head, arms crossed and with a slight pout on her lips.

 

 _Packing is going GREAT_  
_Should I send the suitcase to your address?_

 

 

Alina can't help the quick little giggle that bubbles up from her chest. Immediately saving that picture before opening the camera app and holding her phone a little higher, snapping a picture of herself lying in the pile of her clothes, attaching it to her own message.

 

**You better hurry before the sea of clothes swallow me whole**

 

_DON'T EAT MY GIRL YOU EVIL CLOTHES!!!_

 

.

.

.

 

Alina was nervous, and she didn't particularly like showing that. She did her best to mask it with constantly ringing out her hands and doing some pacing, but she thinks that might just make it a little more obvious. Her nervous pacing is different than her Show Time and I Mean Business pacing right before a competition. She was just glad her two person fan club (stalkers?) weren't anywhere to be seen at the moment. They didn't need to be around for the open skates, but usually everyone went for the camp. Extra team training and what not. Alina didn't care, not at the moment.

 

What Alina cared about was the person finally coming through the hotel revolving doors. Eyes brightening and smile taking over.

 

"Zhen!"

 

The older girls head turns, whispering something to her coach before she turns her body in Alina's direction. Feet already moving her closer. Alina's feet move her as well and they meet in the middle of the lobby. Evgenia's arms around her neck as Alina's wind around her waist.

 

"Al, oh my god, hi," she hears Evgenia mutter into her hair.

 

All the worry she had about things maybe being awkward disappears the moment she feels that body press a little closer as she's squeezed a little tighter, and she has absolutely no complaints about that. She welcomes it, and she pulls the other girl just as closely to herself.

 

"Let me get a look at you," Evgenia says warmly. Extracting herself from the hug enough to lean back. Soft hands find their way to her face, palms just under her jaw as delicate fingers rest over her cheeks. Evgenia's smile as just as warm as that voice. "You've grown up so much."

 

Alina feels her cheeks flare a bit, but she attempts to hide that reaction with a lazy eye roll. "Don't, you'll make me feel like a little kid again."

 

Evgenia shakes her head, laughing softly. "I just mean that you're more beautiful than ever."

 

She kind of finds herself staring at her friends face and noticing the subtle changes with her as well. She didn't look quite as tired, but she still had those little bags under eyes Alina knew well. Nothing major has changed, Evgenia was past her major puberty changes. It was just her... energy, maybe. She had to admit the change looked good on her.

 

And she finds herself looking at Evgenia they way she used to, far away admiration for the one who shown so bright. "You're just as beautiful as I remember."

 

Evgenia doesn't make a joke this time. Doesn't say something dumb like _it's only been a few months_ , instead she has her own slightly reddened cheeks and they both just stand there staring at each other and Alina thinks this was usually a moment where a real couple would kiss. She's reminded just how not real it is, and thank god because she didn't need to think about _that_ , when a throat clearing breaks the moment up. Evgenia's new coach, Brian, standing just off to the side of them.

 

"I have your room key, Zhenya. Alina," he nods in her direction. "It's nice to see you."

 

Both girls step away from each other, Alina acknowledging the man with a polite smile and nod. Going ahead and using some of that English she's been working her ass off to try and learn all summer. "Hello, Brian. Was the flight okay?"

 

His smile is warm, and it kind of reminds her of Evgenia's new warmth and energy. Maybe it was a TCC thing. "This one slept the whole way. Did you know she snores?"

 

Alina gives Evgenia a quick glance, smirking. "Only when she's _r e a l l y_ out."

 

"Okay," Evgenia says. Playfully shoving Brian after she grabs her room key. "I don't need the two of you ganging up on me already."

 

Brian reaches out and gives his student a quick squeeze of the shoulder, wishes her goodnight and he's off. Leaving the two of them alone for the first time, Alina realizes, since they had been alone together in Korea back in April.

 

"When did you get so much better at English?" Evgenia asks. Both of them back to their native tongue.

 

Alina shrugs. "I just really wanted to work on it. It helped being extra motivated by new friends mostly only communicating in English."

 

"Ah, yes," Evgenia nods. "You've replaced me with Nathan. And a few other American's."

 

"Oh no, here comes the dramatics."

 

"It's the Russian air, I've grown weaker and I'm more prone to the dramatics floating around."

 

"You'e ridiculous," Alina chuckles.

 

Evgenia just smiles. Taking a step closer. "Do you need to get back to your room?"

 

She tilts her head a bit as she smiles. "I'm assuming you're gearing up to invite me to your room instead?"

 

"That was the plan. I figured we could hangout, catch up." Evgenia beams.

 

Alina hums lightly in response. She doesn't say anything else, instead stepping to Evgenia's side and taking her hand. Evgenia goes with her with a quiet smile of acceptance. Wheeling her suitcase behind her. When they reach the right floor and the right room, Alina finally lets go of the other girls hand.

 

"I should probably go and grab something to sleep in."

 

Evgenia looks way too disappointed about the prospect of her leaving despite the fact that Alina would be coming right back. She leans against the door and flips the key in her hand. "You can just borrow something of mine like you always do."

 

Alina snorts, and raises a brow. "And have you whine that I somehow _stole_ it? I don't think so."

 

Evgenia smirks. "You know me so well."

 

Alina reaches out and gives the older girl a light smack on the shoulder, which just makes Evgenia laugh somewhere closer to a giggle. Evgenia turns a bit and dips the key into the slot, hearing the beep and grabs hold of Alina's hand. Reaching down for the other as she bumps her hip into the door to open it. "Just come inside. You can borrow something of mine, yell at me for whining and call it a night."

 

"Mm," she chuckles. "If it's soft and warm like that last shirt you let me borrow, I'm keeping it forever."

 

"Whatever you want," Evgenia states. Both girls disappearing into the room as the door softly clicks shut. Both of them entirely unaware of the heads poking out of another room a little further down the hall.

 

.

.

.

 

_You left your team jacket on my floor_

 

 **Fuck**  
**Uh**  
**Hold onto it and give it back later**

 

_Give me back my shirt_

 

 **My jacket is more important than your shirt**  
**Fuck your shirt**

 

_Zagitova, language!_

 

 **Shut up**  
**I want it in my backpack when you get here**

 

 _Maybe I'll leave it there_  
_And make you come back_  
 _See if you get in a trouble for being late_

 

**I'm starting to think you're purposefully trying to ruin my life**

 

.

.

.

 

Alina does a quick scan of the room, before peering into her backpack and thankfully, finding her missing article of clothing folded neatly on top. She didn't even know when Evgenia had snuck in there and returned it. Instead she's thinking about how that must mean she's here somewhere, and she wanted to see her. Maybe playfully bicker with her some more about their clothes mishaps. Maybe threaten her with never, ever returning the shirt she had worn to bed last night.

 

She's about to go in search of her after she stuffs her backpack back into her locker and grabs her sneakers. She still had a long enough wait until she needed to be on the ice. She could spare the time. She's ambushed almost immediately when she leaves the girls locker room.

 

"Hey," comes that familiar, cracked voice. Alina jumping slightly and turning around. Goddamn.

 

"Uh, hey," she says back. Not really looking at the boy who's name she still hasn't bothered to remember. Maybe she should. Maybe she didn't care at all.

 

"You off somewhere?" He asks. As if that wasn't obvious with the way she was looking past him. She realizes pretty quickly that was what he didn't care about. "Some of us were thinking about hanging out in the gym. Listening to music and stuff before our start times. You wanna come?"

 

She can read between the lines. He's asking her if she wants to come with him, and hangout with him, and do whatever else he mentioned. With him. It was almost like she hadn't just rejected him two weeks ago or so, but she wouldn't be surprised if he had forgotten about that. She was pretty sure the entire male species did that or else they may never find a mate. Or whatever sounds less weird.

 

Alina doesn't really bother with the polite smile and stuff like she had two weeks ago. And thankfully, her phone buzzing her hand saves her from coming up with an excuse not to go right there on the spot. Not that it would have actually been all that hard.

 

_Come meet me behind the stands_

_That doesn't sound like what you think it sounds like_

_I'm not planning on murdering you_

_Okay yeah this is probably making you not wanna come_

_Just come find me_

 

"I actually gotta go meet up with some one else," she says quickly. Looking back up from her phone and darting past him with a quick, "sorry, bye."

 

She wasn't really all that sorry, of course.

 

.

.

.

 

"Are you sure we can be up here?"

 

Evgenia's response is a shrug, followed by a deadpan nonchalance when she says, "Who cares."

 

Alina can only sigh and hope for the best. Propping her feet up on one of the seats in front of her. Staring out and down at the rink. Evgenia's invitation had ended up being dragging her up high in the stands of the venue the camp is settled in, claiming to want privacy while they waited their turn to work out. She had a sneaking suspicion Evgenia was really avoiding as much time around everyone else possible. She didn't poke and prod her about that, considering Alina usually always wanted the same. Especially lately.

 

"Brian won't be mad you aren't down there?"

 

"He isn't here yet. We agreed he'd show up when I'm actually working. No point in standing around, right?"

 

"I guess," Alina nods. Feels Evgenia lean a little closer as she drops an arm around the seat she's in.

 

"Soooo," she drawls out. "You wanna show me which boy it is trying to steal you away from me?"

 

Alina couldn't seem to avoid him, even when she was spending time with the person she most wanted to spend time with. And she's gotten used to not arguing the fact that no one is stealing her from anyone, especially not Evgenia herself. Fake relationship or not, Alina couldn't really imagine ever replacing her. Instead, now, she indulges her a little bit. Looking around for a moment before she extends her arm and points in the direction of the group of boys off in the corner.

 

"That one."

 

Evgenia leans forward some, corners of her eyes pinching just slightly as she narrows her eyes. "He's not even cute."

 

Alina bites down on her bottom lip to stifle a laugh that threatens to slip out. Bending her arm and elbowing the other girl. "Don't be rude."

 

"I'm waaaaay cuter," Evgenia says with the cockiness of someone who, well, is very likely as cute as they think they are.

 

She leans back into her seat a bit, body turned a little more towards Evgenia as she reaches her hand across and out to cup a strong jaw in her palm, tips of her fingers lightly pressing into the bottoms of Evgenia's cheeks as she grins. "You're very cute."

 

Evgenia doesn't stifle her laughter. Trying to get away by turning her head and pretending to bite Alina's fingers, causing the younger brunette to squeal quietly and jerk away.

 

"Don't! You almost bit my thumb off!"

 

"Oh, poor baby, I'm sorry. Let me kiss it better."

 

"Zhenya!" She whines with a deep chuckle, unable to get away when Evgenia grabs hold of her hand and brings it up to her mouth. Their eyes finding each other's just as soft lips are pressed to the pad of her thumb, and Alina kind of feels a little warm all of sudden. She wants to say something, but finds she has no words easily available to her. It doesn't even matter really, because the moment is disrupted by _two_  throats clearing that definitely aren't her or Evgenia.

 

"Hello, you two."

 

Alina closes her eyes for a beat, re-opening them when her hand is released and falls to her lap. Leaning slightly around Evgenia.

 

"Sasha, Alena," she says. Hoping to appear as calm as ever. The two younger girls don't waste any time getting to their point. Unsurprisingly.

 

"Alina. Evgenia," Sasha smiles. "You haven't been avoiding us, have you?"

 

"Uh. No?"

 

Alina has to snort. She winds up with Evgenia's foot in her shin.

 

Alena turns to her, and gives her a weird look. "Would your boyfriend like it if he knew you were hiding away, goofing off with Evgenia...like you were?"

 

Evgenia turns and looks at her, both brows raised. Like she's daring her to admit she made that part up. Damn her.

 

She's never wanted the floor to open up beneath her more in her entire life. Between the looks she's getting from all three of them now, she really wishes she wasn't Alina Zagitova. She'd rather be literally anyone else right now and make whoever replaces her deal with this instead.

 

She tries again for calm, and cool. It's probably never worked for her ever. Shoulders rising and falling lazily. "So maybe I don't have a boyfriend."

 

Alena rolls her eyes, more so in a _duh, we knew that_ manner than anything else. Sasha follows that up with an inquiring head tilt. "Okay, but... why were you two, uh--"

 

"Oh my god," Alena gasps suddenly.

 

Both Evgenia and Alina exchange a quick look, gaging how the other was feeling and Alina gives her the best smile of reassurance that she can. Hand coming to rest over Evgenia's thigh, palm up. The older girl places her hand palm down in hers, fingers closing around each other's in a supportive squeeze.

 

Sasha's _oh my god_  comes next.

 

" _She's_ the person you're dating?" She points right at their former rink mate. Evgenia doesn't even flinch.

 

Alina looks at the girl next to her, kind of more openly stares at her profile and that slightly clenched jaw before she snaps out of it. Clearing her throat. "Yeah... yeah, Zhen and I are dating."

 

Alena somehow seems... less surprised. Just standing there shaking her head, laughing softly. "I should have known."

 

"Huh?" Both Evgenia and Alina say together.

 

Sasha shrugs. "I guess it sort of makes sense. Wait until what's his face hear's about this."

 

"Wait!" Alina blurts out quickly. Three sets of eyes on her again. She just breathes out a short, uncomfortable laugh. "I mean. I'd rather handle that myself. Okay?"

 

Her two training mates turn and give each other a silent look, before turning back to the older two and nodding. "Fine. We won't say anything."

 

"Anyway," Alena sighs. "We're gonna go."

 

"Please don't make out a lot after we leave," Sasha warns. Mild disgust her tone. Alina isn't sure what for. Because it's two girls, or the usual response young teens have to people...doing that. She just watches them both wander off, leaned into each other and talking. Laughing here and there and Alina exhales. Sinking back into her seat, hand falling away from Evgenia's with her movement.

 

"So how did that made up boyfriend thing go?"

 

"Don't."

 

"Were you ashamed of me?" Evgenia is very clearly pouting as she says that, Alina doesn't need to look to know.

 

"Are you okay?" The girl eventually asks, tone more serious, but gentle.

 

"Oh, yeah. I'm cool," she says sarcastically. "I just came out as fake gay with my fake girlfriend. Everything's fine."

 

"Al," she hears her sigh. Hand once again held by Evgenia's. "Look at me."

 

She doesn't want to. But she also knows she's going to anyway. Forgetting when her eyes had even fallen closed as they flutter open, head lulling to the side to look at the person sitting with her. She gets a warm smile, Evgenia's thumb lightly brushing over her skin.

 

"I've never been prouder than I am now, being your fake someone."

 

Alina half scoffs, half laughs. "You have Olympic medals. World titles. Don't lie like that."

 

"It's the god honest truth."

 

"Whatever you say," she mutters. Holding back a smile. Evgenia squeezes her hand a bit tighter.

 

"Would you like to go out around town with me tomorrow? I'd like to make the most of being back, and not be cooped up here all the time. And I'd like to spend that time with you."

 

Alina's brow inches upwards a bit. A bit of playfulness in her tone as the tension she had been feeling starts to disappear. "Are you asking me out on a fake date?"

 

"It can be that," Evgenia chuckles quietly. "Or it can just be Alina and Evgenia's day out. We can eat your favorite food. Drink coffee. Shop. Whatever we want."

 

All of that sounded perfect. All of it sounded like exactly what she needed. And she really couldn't pass up on the opportunity to spend an entire day with Evgenia that wasn't about skating or anything. Just an entire day that was about them, and whatever they felt like doing.

 

"Alright," Alina agrees. She swears the smile on Evgenia's face grows tenfold.

 

"Great. I'll come by your room tomorrow, around nine? We can do breakfast."

 

And she knows the smile on her own face is just as big when she nods her agreement again. Why was she so worried about everything? Literally nothing was different, so what if they told a lie to safe themselves the trouble of other things? It would all work out. And they were still them.

 

Nothing changed. Nothing was going to change.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two, here we gooooo. you guys get a whole day of them on a date because i've had people wondering when we'd finally get to see one of their dates. even if it's fake. ;)
> 
> also if you noticed i extended this to four chapters. there's a lot that's gonna happen in chapter three and i realized three wasn't going to be enough to wrap this up.
> 
> anyway, enjoy.

_**~~~** _

 

Getting up in the morning wasn’t her favorite thing in the world, it was only ever done out of necessity considering her training schedule. She didn’t really experience nerves waking up on a big day either, but today seemed to be the day to defy both of those facts. Happy and nervous all in one.

 

Alina blinks sleep from her eyes and stares up at the ceiling. A funny little flutter in her chest and a flip in her stomach. It wasn’t even the biggest of days honestly, but it kind of was. It was her and Evgenia’s day. It was their chance to be with each other and only each other, after several months. No practices or shows or competitions involved whatsoever. Nothing skating related. She can’t really remember the last time they got a chance for such a day.

 

There’s a quiet ringing coming next to her, realizing she had beaten her phone’s alarm by several minutes. Rolling over onto her stomach closer to the bedside table and taking the device off the charger she cancels the alarm and stares at the latest notification on her screen.

 

_Good morning, beautiful <3_

_I hope you slept well. Shower, get dressed_

_I’ll be coming to get you soon_

 

Evgenia’s increasingly affectionate side was perhaps the reason for the nerves part of her early morning emotional state. But she didn’t want to spend too much time focusing on that, lest she think herself into a funk again. The whole point was to enjoy herself today. Evgenia’s always affectionate, anyway. At least with her, as far as she’s noticed. She tried not to notice if she was with anyone else. (Another thing she will not acknowledge further.)

 

She forgets to answer back as she carefully slips out of the warmth of the sheets and into the bathroom. Letting the hot water streaming down from the shower-head warm her again. Standing over her suitcase a little while later trying to decide what on earth she should wear. A usual occurrence when she didn’t have to wear her usual workout entire or team gear. She winds up going with the skirt she had bought before her trip to Japan for The Ice, and a simple black top. Hair done in a loose ponytail with light makeup for the day.

 

She gives herself a once over in the mirror in the tiny hall separating bathroom and the rest of the room. Wondering if she would be doing the exact same thing on a real date.

 

When she goes to get her phone and put it in her purse she checks the time, about five til eight. And a knock comes at her door a moment later. A familiar one. Evgenia was only ever early or late, good to know that hasn’t changed at all.

 

Alina crosses the room swiftly and opens the door with a half smile, half smirk. A brow perfectly raised as well as she greets the girl waiting on the other side.

 

“You’re early.”

 

Evgenia’s lips twitch into a goofy grin. “I was excited?”

 

“Mhm,” Alina hums. A quick tap of her fingers against the door. “That, or you weren’t ready to get out of bed, so you rushed, then realized halfway through you actually had plenty of time.”

 

“It’s a little scary how well you know me,” the older girl says, putting a hand to her chest.

 

“I shared enough hotel rooms with you to know that’s your usual routine,” Alina laughs.

 

Evgenia doesn’t say anything, only grins wider. Giving Alina a chance to take in her appearance. She was wearing dark, almost black jeans. A cream colored blouse, the top button undone. Dark eyeshadow stands out with otherwise light makeup. It looks good under those bangs, the rest of curly hair pulled back into a ponytail.

 

She doesn’t have time to even stop herself when she blurts out, “You look beautiful.”

 

Evgenia’s eyes track over her now, and she doesn’t know if she feels good or embarrassed under the piercing gaze of brown eyes. Hand coming off the door and tugging at the strap of her purse hanging from her shoulder.

 

“So do you,” Evgenia murmurs back.

 

Their eyes find the other, both throats clearing. Evgenia raising an arm and pointing over her shoulder. “You ready to head out?”

 

Alina snaps out of her little trance, and hastily nods her head. She didn’t have to be embarrassed, right? That sweet, kind smile is back on Evgenia’s face now as she closes the door behind her, after double checking she had her room key in her purse. Walking alongside Evgenia in silence.

 

Stealing the occasional sideways glance at the other girl. Just because.

 

.

.

.

 

She always forgets how nice the city is when summer is very near its end and fall is on the way. Streets a little less cluttered with tourists, and children who have returned back to school. It adds a little more to the sense of calm a day off should bring.

 

They walk a little ways until Evgenia turns and ducks into a small cafe on a corner street, mumbling quickly to the hostess who eventually leads them to a corner table for two, close to the window. Alina takes her seat eventually with some amusement, glancing over her menu when she picks it up.

 

“Good to know you can still ramble off assertively in Russian,” she teases. Pulling a laugh from the girl sat across from her.

 

“You have no idea how often I would like to, but the only person I can really talk to is mom. My grandmother when she calls. And you. Otherwise, it’s mostly swearing when I’ve had a bad day because no one can tell me off for it.”

 

“I do that on any given day,” Alina snorts. Meeting Evgenia’s eyes when she lifts her gaze away from the menu as well.

 

“I remember. I remember the first time I heard,” she glances to the side, leans forward and lowers her voice, “the word _fuck_ leave your mouth, and I was so caught off guard I almost fell.”

 

She leans away, leaving Alina to breathe out a soft giggle as she shakes her head. “Well, I’ll have to find other ways to surprise you.”

 

“I don’t doubt that you will,” Evgenia nods affirmatively. Attention back on the menu until a waiter comes by for their drink orders.

 

“Coffee or tea today?” The oldest asks. A hum leaving the youngest before she settles on coffee. Evgenia adding a quick request at the end, turning back to Alina with a smile.

 

“I’m going to teach you how to prepare your coffee with a French press. I started doing it a couple months ago, you’ll never want coffee another way again.”

 

Alina finds herself observing the girl thoughtfully as she says that, fingers tapping against the plastic seal of the menu for a moment before she sets it aside. Chin resting in her palm now.

 

“Tell me about what else has been happening and changing for you.”

 

Evgenia pauses for the briefest of moments. One thing Alina caught onto pretty quickly once they had started talking again, was that sometimes her friend would hold herself back on talking about her new life. Because she wasn’t sure it wouldn’t hurt her somehow, she didn’t know. She would just smile and encourage her to go on. In the beginning it went from a sad longing because Evgenia’s everyday life wasn’t something she got to witness anymore, eventually easing into a content happiness that her friend had found her place in the world again. Evgenia hadn’t been the same after the Olympics, she always looked like she was searching for something when she did see her. She was quieter and less bubbly, more sunken into herself. She looked centered now, brighter, more like the girl she knew before the sudden weight of the world came down on her.

 

“Well,” she clears her throat. “I really like where we live. It’s not too far from the training center. It’s got a lot of wildlife, which I enjoy. The park and the water aren’t too far away, either. It kind of reminds me of the park here.”

 

Alina knew Evgenia liked her life in Canada now. But the momentary flicker of longing that flashes in her eyes clarifies that she missed Russia, too.

 

“It’s not quite the same though, not getting to yell at you when you wander off. Or nearly fall into the water trying to pet a duck,” she eventually adds with a fondness in her voice. And maybe she was missed as well.

 

Alina rolls her eyes, cheeks flaring the slightest. “That happened one time, okay.”

 

“You and your animals,” Evgenia chuckles. Perkily sitting up when the waiter brings their cups and the other necessary items to prepare their coffees.

 

Alina sits up a bit and leans a little more over the table as she watches Evgenia prep the coffee. Eventually trying herself and shoving Evgenia’s hands away when she decides to take her phone out and film her. She does pretty well, she thinks. And the coffee is definitely delicious.

 

Conversation continues over second cups and Syrniki. Neither of them could decide if they wanted sour cream or jam more, so they ended up with both.

 

“ _God_ ,” Evgenia groans appreciatively after a bite. “I’ve missed these.”

 

“Haven’t you found places to get Russian food? International markets?” Alina asks.

 

“Yeah, but, it’s not really the same. Unless mom makes something.”

 

“If you want,” she says around her own bite, finishing with a satisfied nod. “We could send you things you can’t find.”

 

Evgenia smiles, fingers dancing over the rim of her coffee mug before picking it up. “You mean like a care package? To make sure I remain as Russian as possible?”

 

Alina chuckles, shrugging her shoulders. “I would hate for you to lose your dramatic flare and what makes you interesting.”

 

“Asshole,” Evgenia snorts after downing the remainder of her second cup. “But I would like that, honestly. Make sure you have your grandmother send her banana sour cream recipe.”

 

“Deal,” Alina grins.

 

They finish their food with easy conversation, circling around different things they were watching and listening to. How Masaru was doing and how their families were. Never once bringing up their skating lives, and it gave her a sort of ease knowing they could exist outside of that. Evgenia and Alina the people could be happy like this. And Evgenia looks so peaceful and happy at one point as she’s talking that Alina is the one who pulls out her phone this time, taking a picture of the girl sat back in her chair. Blinking when she hears the click of the camera, followed by Alina’s soft giggle.

 

Evgenia’s version of retaliating is making her sit there and pose for a picture. She says some stupid joke that has her laughing brightly just as the older girl snaps the picture. Both of those images winding up on their respective instagram stories. The only captions simple heart emoji’s.

 

.

.

.

 

“Alina, wake up!”

 

“No, this is an active protest.”

 

“You’re the one who wanted to go shopping!”

 

She cracks one eye open. “That was before it turned into being your personal fashion critic while you try _e v e r y t h i n g_ imaginable on.”

 

“You could be trying things on, too,” Evgenia points out. Hands on her hips and Alina has to fight back a grin because she looks too serious for a less than serious moment.

 

“I didn’t find anything I liked,” she shrugs. “Besides, I’ve decided to adopt the _boyfriend_ persona here, sitting around looking like he might die while the girl goes in and out of the changing rooms.”

 

Evgenia reaches for one of the shirts she’s already tried on and decided she didn’t like, tossing it in Alina’s direction. It lands on the girls head, making her break her facade and laugh.

 

“I hope a sales person comes by and see’s you doing that,” Alina threatens.

 

The older brunette roles her eyes and turns around in a huff. Alina leaning back in the chair she might be glued to at this point, folding the shirt thrown at her and getting a glimpse of the dress Evgenia was wearing before she disappears completely. Well, it _did_ look good at least…

 

She pulls her phone out and tries to decide what she was going to open this time to keep her preoccupied when there’s a small whine of sorts coming from one of the changing rooms and then a quite voice a beat after.

 

“Al?”

 

She doesn’t look up, grunting. “Huh?”

 

“I need help… the zipper is stuck.”

 

Of course, she could be faking it. Just to get Alina up and out of that chair, but she winds up getting up regardless. Poking her head into the stall, appearing like she was making sure her friend was actually decent. She is in fact standing there looking quite annoyed in the mirrors reflection as Alina closes the door behind her.

 

“I thought you were messing with me for a second,” Alina declares. Evgenia just sighs. Pointing behind her at the offending zipper.

 

“Alright, bossy pants,” she snorts. Approaching the other girl and reaching for the fabric stuck in the zippers path.

 

She manages to ease it out without ripping anything. Dragging the zipper down, and what ends up not being very easy is not getting a look at soft skin. Alina swallows, clears her throat and looks up. Finds Evgenia’s reflection staring intently back at her.

 

She eventually steps back, clearing her throat again. “You’re good to go.”

 

That _look_ disappears and is replaced with a much softer, grateful smile. “Thanks. At least I know I won’t be getting this one.”

 

“What’s the dress for?” She asks curiously. Why she was attempting to make conversation in a cramped changing room, she had no idea. She could have very easily stepped back outside and continued talking.

 

Evgenia shrugs, and the dress drops a fraction off one shoulder. Giving herself one more look at herself in it before she decided she definitely didn’t want it. “I figured I would get a head start on finding something for banquet season. About as important as competition itself.”

 

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot all about that.”

 

“See, this is why you should have been looking for something a bit more seriously.” Evgenia’s voice is all tease, and Alina starts to roll her eyes before they eventually end up all but bugging out of her head when she notices her friend about to attempt to change completely.

 

Alina jerks back, the back of her head hitting the wall that feels a little closer suddenly? No, that wasn’t likely. She mumbles quickly under her breath. "Okay, uh. I'm gonna go wait outside."

 

Evgenia gives her a weird look. It wasn’t like they hadn’t changed in front of each other before. But that was normal, in the girls locker room or in hotel rooms. No one cared. No one paid attention. She chalks her heated face up to embarrassment, that's easier to go with.

 

.

.

.

 

After she’s recovered from the dressing room fiasco and promptly pretends it didn’t happen, one dress, a couple pairs of pants and new shoes are finally purchased. The two girls wander from one level to another, poking their heads into a few stores but not really finding anything else of interest.

 

“Do you want to get sushi for lunch?” Evgenia asks.

 

“It’s three in the afternoon, lunch ended hours ago. You took forever.”

 

“Okay, smartass,” Evgenia says with an elbow to her side.

 

“If you let me pay this time. You got breakfast, I can get this.” Alina answers.

 

Evgenia steps a little closer and loops her arm through Alina’s, leaning into her side with a grin. “Such a chivalrous date you are.”

 

Alina winds up with a matching grin on her face. Doing the leading as they step back outside. Evgenia grabs her phone from her purse and does a quick search for places with Alina hovering over her shoulder.

 

“That one looks good,” Alina points to the screen.

 

Evgenia looks over the menu a moment longer, frowning. “I don’t see my favorite.”

 

“We’ll try something new, then. I discovered some different rolls last time I was in Japan.”

 

The girl looks at her with a soft smile, before nodding her approval. Finally in agreement, Alina does a quick look around until she finally sees a taxi. Free arm extending to hail it down, her other instinctively finding Evgenia’s hand as they move to the curb and get in. Neither of them really pay much attention to how their hands remain clasped the duration of the drive. Walking hand in hand into the restaurant when they arrive.

 

Alina does the ordering this time. Opting for a pot of tea first to share what else she had discovered on that trip. Laughing to herself with some amusement.

 

“We went to a tea ceremony on one of our days off,” she starts. “I thought Mirai was going to have a splitting headache after babying Nathan and I through it.”

 

Her friend looks thoughtful for a moment, fiddling with the napkin she eventually lays over her lap. “You guys got really close this show, didn’t you?”

 

Alina shrugs, casual. An easy, fond smile spreading over her lips. As it usually did when she thought about things and people she cared about. “Mirai and I, yes. Nathan and I started talking more over the summer. I was kind of surprised, really. We didn’t have the easiest time communicating, and I wasn’t sure why he wanted to be my friend. But I kept practicing my English, and he helped me sometimes. We spent the first month or so only communicating through dog videos and memes.”

 

“He mentioned you a couple times at the shows he and I were at together,” Evgenia comments, then adds. “You and I had just started talking again, so it was a little weird. He felt closer to you than I did. And you know—”

 

Evgenia looks suddenly embarrassed having said that, shaking her head. “Nevermind.”

 

Her brows furrow slightly as she watches the other girl. “What is it?”

 

“No, it’s stupid,” she mutters.

 

Alina’s hand reaches over the table and lightly drops over Evgenia’s, stopping the tapping of her fingers on the surface of the table. “Nothing you tell me is stupid, Zhen. Except your jokes.”

 

A snort leaves the oldest, looking back up after her gaze had dropped. Following up the previous sound she made with a stilted laugh. “I thought you guys might be getting too close. Like, with feelings involved. Dating and stuff.”

 

Her eyes widen significantly at first, before a sharp and unplanned laugh escapes from her throat. “Oh, god, _no_. No. That’s definitely never been a thing that’s come up.”

 

“I mean,” Evgenia is quick to speak. “He couldn’t do better than you, and I guess he’s pretty decent as well so it wouldn’t have been a total sho—“

 

“No way,” Alina interjects. “Nate is like, the big brother I never had. Obviously I admired him a great deal, as you know,” she blushes slightly as she says that. Remembering a time when people would tease her that she had a crush on the American skater. People just didn’t understand that you could genuinely look up to someone and appreciate what they did without any romantic implication involved whatsoever.

 

“It was surreal at first, but I guess a lot of that had to do with it being my first year or so around anyone of that level. But he’s just like anyone else. And now a very dear friend.”

 

Evgenia seems to consider that for a long moment, looking to the hand resting over hers, reminding Alina that it’s still there. She slowly removes that hand, busying herself with the tea that finally arrives. Sliding a cup over to the older girl.

 

“You know,” she starts after a sip. “Despite your protests about it, I thought you and Kristian might actually be a thing.”

 

That seems to snap the other girl out of whatever she had been thinking about, looking at the youngest with a bit of bewilderment. “Why?”

 

“For one,” she says with a small eye roll. “You were liking his stuff on instagram left and right. I almost went to see if you followed anyone else anymore that could put literally anything else on your feed.”

 

“Well, you and Nathan were doing the same. So that’s why I thought—”

 

Alina is quick to interrupt. “Maybe we should tell each other when and if we actually have crushes or relationships so none of that happens again.”

 

It wasn’t like that needed to be explicitly said. They talked about this stuff anyway. Or, they did at least in the context of it being a problem and annoying when someone did show interest in them. But it was never really ever talked about if they had an interest in someone themselves, she realizes. She’s pretty sure talks about feelings and crushes have only ever come up in groups. Girls trying to pass time between practices and before competitions.

 

And the weird factor here was, the whole pretending to be a couple thing. It wasn’t like they needed to tell the other if they liked someone. They weren’t a real couple after all. But that’s what friends did though, right?

 

“Not a bad idea,” Evgenia agrees. Taking a sip of her tea and then focusing a quizzical gaze on her. “Do you like anyone right now?”

 

She’s quick to shake her head, and then jokingly add, “You know I’m not terribly fond of the male population. Or really all that focused on that.”

 

“It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be,” Evgenia laughs lightly.

 

“You mean you…?”

 

“One relationship. Weird first kiss, awkward teenage first date. Haven’t really ventured there again since.”

 

Huh. She knew at some point there had been something, or someone. Fourteen year old Alina had shown very little interest in that, when all the other girls had wanted to circle Evgenia and get all the details.

 

“And you don’t like anyone right now?” She asks as well.

 

“There’s no guy worth while to have any interest in,” Evgenia answers quietly. And, well. She certainly agreed with that.

 

“So moving to Toronto to be with Yuzuru and live happily ever after didn’t work out for you, huh?” She winds up teasing her friend. Gently kicking her under the table.

 

“Oh, ha, ha,” she retorts sarcastically. Pushing her leg back against Alina's.

 

“Besides,” Evgenia leans over like she’s going to whisper the next part, and does. “His happily ever after is Shoma.”

 

Her eyes widen slightly, before she grins. “I _knew_ it. Good for them.”

 

Evgenia has an equally warm smile on her face. “The four of us should double date the next time we’re together.”

 

“Need I remind you—”

 

“Shh. Order me some good sushi.” Evgenia sets her menu aside, arms crossed and resting on top of the table as she looks at her happily. “And tell me about learning how to make sushi while you were in Japan. I want tips.”

 

Alina shakes her head, biting back a different kind of smile that was usually reserved for Evgenia. Ordering for the both of them, and retelling her epic sushi making skills.

 

.

.

.

 

After what ended up being more of an early dinner after somehow spending a few hours wrapped up in a little slice of Japan together, the two wander out into the fading sunlight of the day. Evgenia’s shopping bags in one hand, the other looped through Alina’s arm as they walk.

 

“Do you want to head back yet?” Alina asks her.

 

“Mm, not yet. We could find a bench or something and watch the sunset.”

 

Alina snorts. “How romantic.”

 

Evgenia slips her fingers into Alina’s dangling hand, gently squeezing and leaning a little closer so she can whisper into her ear. But she doesn’t get the chance to say whatever it was she was going to say, because Alina’s attention is quickly stolen away by a small dog waddling it’s way over to them.

 

“Ooooh, look,” she coos. Pulling away from her friend in favor of bending down and giving the animals head an affectionate pat.

 

“I can’t believe you’re paying attention to a dog instead of me,” Evgenia huffs. Alina just ignores her and lets the dog move a little closer, up on it’s hind legs to lick her face.

 

“I wonder if he’s lost,” she questions out loud. Doing a quick scan of their surroundings for someone who might be looking out for the dog.

 

She continues giving the dog all the attention it seemed to want, eventually hearing a small laugh behind her. Turning around to find Evgenia with her phone pointed at her.

 

“Smile,” the older girl prompts.

 

Alina does. The dog jumping up once again and wetting her face, causing her to laugh. Eventually a young woman rounds the corner a little ways ahead of them, leash in hand and looking a little frantic.

 

“Oh, my goodness, there you are. Thank you so much for not letting him out of your sight,” the woman says, out of breath.

 

“It was no trouble. He’s a good boy,” Alina smiles. Earning a bark from her new friend.

 

In her relief and gratitude, the woman winds up giving her a hug. Much to her surprise, and apparently Evgenia’s amusement. Owner and dog eventually department, Alina sighing as she watches them go. Evgenia coming back to her side and holding her phone out to her.

 

“I tagged you in the pictures.”

 

“What’s the caption?”

 

“Alina abandoned me for a new companion.”

 

She rolls her eyes, shoving the hand away and earning a deep chuckle in response.

 

“You’re so adorable around animals, did you know that?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters. Hiding a smile. “Let’s go find a bench and watch that sunset, you loser.”

 

Evgenia’s hand promptly finds it’s way right back into hers. Walking the street together until they come across an opening, a bit of a center square with a few park benches lining the streets. They opt for one facing away from the traffic, looking more at the other end of the city and the small clearing of green and trees around the spot.

 

They’re both quiet, nestled into the others side. Hands still clasped as the day dwindles slowly closer to night. And it’s Evgenia who eventually breaks the silence first.

 

“This was the best non date I’ve ever had.”

 

Alina turns her head to look at her, eyes soft and searching. “Better than your real one?”

 

“By a long shot,” the brunette nods. And that fact makes her feel pretty good.

 

She gently circles her thumb over the top of Evgenia’s hand, looking away from one sun and at another.

 

“I feel the same way,” she whispers.

 

She feels Evgenia turn next to her, that hand connected to hers squeezing ever so slightly and it lulls her into a comfortable enough place that her head finds itself resting on Evgenia’s shoulder.

 

.

.

.

 

Their first full practice session with e v e r y o n e around was, safe to say, a bit odd. She got to catch up with Dasha though, after she had left as well. But she couldn’t help it when her eyes would drift elsewhere, finding Evgenia away from most of the crowd and speaking only to Brian and David. Occasionally they would lock eyes, and Evgenia would give her a smile. She would smile back and want nothing more than to go to her, but she could feel Eteri’s eyes burning holes in the back of her skull every single time.

 

“Did you have a nice day yesterday?” Dasha asks, pulling her attention back to her friend.

 

Alina smiles softly, reaching for her water bottle that Dasha had stolen away from her and taking a good gulp before answering. “Yeah.”

 

“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t get in trouble. You know, what with Zhenya being the greatest enemy.”

 

It was said with some retrained frustration. Dasha was always on her side, and always viewed things as unfair. In fact, she later confessed it was a big part of why she left. She couldn’t handle the constant stress of being pitted against people you really cared for.

 

Alina sighs, leaning back against the boards. “I’d like to think Zhenya and I are stronger for it. We didn’t let the powers at be ruin what we had. I just hope we’ll all get to a place where it won’t matter anymore.”

 

“You were always the more optimistic one,” Dasha chuckles. Giving her friends shoulder a warm, supportive pat. “I’m curious, though…”

 

Alina kind of pauses in her pursuit of another sip of her water, turning her head and steeling herself for what she thinks she knows Dasha was going to ask. And she isn’t wrong.

 

“I couldn’t help but think from the pictures, that you two were on a date. Is there something that you’re not telling me?”

 

She didn’t want to lie, but even the answer she’s supposed to be going with was a lie. She didn’t know if Dasha fell under the same category as Nathan did, being warned that this wasn’t a real thing. Even if she was one of her closest friends.

 

“You can’t like, broadcast it to the world, okay?” She eventually answers. With far more confidence than she had expected, considering she was damn near ready to run away and hide forever when Alena and Sasha had confronted them.

 

“ _Alina_ ,” Dasha exclaims under her breath.

 

“We’re keeping it as low-key as possible. Within our community. It isn’t a big deal.”

 

“Yes it is! You can’t just say you’re dating Evgenia and act like it isn’t!”

 

Dasha is very much flustered, and Alina would be more amused if she wasn’t suddenly worried about the nearby pacing Eteri.

 

“Look, try to keep it together,” she chuckles, calming herself and her friend when she grabs her by the shoulders. “I’ll tell you more later.”

 

Dasha’s nose scrunches. “Please, spare me the details.”

 

Alina gives her a wink, stepping back and flinging her water bottle back over the boards when they’re caroled back to work. She’s in the middle of doing a few waltz jumps to warm herself back up when someone approaches behind her.

 

“Hey,” Evgenia murmurs quietly. Sending a shiver up her spine that has nothing to do with the ice she’s surrounded by and all to do with her friends warm breath falling on her neck. How was she even _that_ close?

 

Alina’s eyes dart left and right, straightening. “What?”

 

“I just wanted to say hi,” Evgenia responds.

 

“You just wanted to say hi?” She repeats back as a question.

 

“Yup. Maybe I missed you.”

 

“We’ve been in the same space all day,” she laughs awkwardly. Keeping her focus ahead of herself as she moves, Evgenia staying right behind her.

 

“It’s not the same. What were you and Dasha talking about?”

 

“My fake girlfriend who is the enemy of Russia.”

 

“Ah, that just makes us the biggest forbidden love trope imaginable, huh?”

 

“Please stop enjoying this so much,” Alina laughs.

 

There’s a silent hum behind her, and then Evgenia is moving around to face her. Moving backwards as Alina moves forward.

 

“What did she say?” The older girl asks curiously.

 

“She was shocked, to say the least.”

 

“Weird how Sasha and Alena didn’t seem all that surprised. At least Alena didn’t.”

 

Alina shrugs. “Weirder how they thought it made sense.”

 

“Well, I mean,” Evgenia starts, smirking. “Have you seen us? We’re incredible together.”

 

Alina reaches out and grabs hold of Evgenia’s shoulders, gently pushing her away as she chuckles brightly. “You need to go away. Before my head explodes because a certain someone keeps staring bullets at me.”

 

“I’ll see you in the locker room afterwards,” Evgenia sing songs as her goodbye, winking before she turns around and heads back to her coach.

 

She watches after her for a breath or two, before her attention turns to her coaching team who actually, thankfully, appeared to be stepping back into the rink. The younger girls in tow, ready for their practice.

 

Afterwards, all the girls had been perched on the locker room benches, removing their skates when the door opened and in strolled the last one, Evgenia. A few of the girls had been staring at her, and Alina’s noticed that’s been happening a lot since she showed up. It kind of irritated her. It was a few girls she didn’t really know all that well from other coaching teams looking at her friend like they had any right to judge, leaning in to whisper to each other, look again, and then laugh or roll their eyes. Evgenia had been sitting quietly beside her in their own corner while Alina had been fuming. And the older girl had apparently sensed it, but said nothing until they were packed up and leaving the locker room together.

 

“Let it go, Al,” she whispers to her as they walk down the hall.

 

“What right do they have?” She hisses lowly.

 

“Not everyone is going to like what I did.”

 

“People act like you committed a crime, it just doesn’t make sense.”

 

“Loyalty is a fickle thing, I suppose. No one cares about you until you do something they don’t like and suddenly everyone wants to be self righteous like they cared at all to begin with.”

 

Alina doesn’t say anything to that, jaw clenching. Gently grinding her teeth and in a quick move, her body is being turned as Evgenia faces her. A hand settling on her waist. “I know who’s really loyal to me, that’s all that matters.”

 

She stares at the girl standing in front of her, gaze heavy and piercing as this moment lingers between them. The intense fire of frustration and anger she had been feeling gives way to an overwhelming amount of love and adoration swelling in her chest for this person. And it’s a completely unplanned, in the moment sort of thing when Alina leans forward quickly and kisses Evgenia’s cheek. Lips lingering against her soft, warm skin for a second or two longer than she probably needed to.

 

Easing back and once again their eyes meet, softer this time, but no less intense.

 

“I’m always going to be on your side,” Alina declares.

 

“I know,” Evgenia nods with a smile and the utmost certainty.

 

.

.

.

 

Dinner in the dining hall later that day kind of ended up being a weird affair too. Those girls she had been ready to destroy earlier were off in their own respective circles, the Eteri girls were in their’s, and Alina found herself kind of floating somewhere in the middle. She wasn’t really close enough with her own training mates to want to spend more time with them than she already did. Plus, she was still kind of avoiding Alena and Sasha. She imagined they probably had a whole new way to interrogate her now.

 

It isn’t so bad when Dasha spends a decent amount of time with her, making Alina keep her word to talk later and having her own set of questions.

 

“How long have you two been together?”

 

They hadn’t really discussed more detailed things like that, so she kind of just makes it up as she goes along. Like she had with the fake boyfriend.

 

“It happened this summer. We, uh,” she pauses. Forces out what she thinks is a natural progression of things. “We realized how much we meant to each other when we started talking again and, it sort of just happened.”

 

Not bad, for a fake story, she thinks. And it kind of did _just happen_.

 

“That’s so wild,” Dasha utters with amazement. Slouching back in her chair in a quiet, still somewhat stunned laugh. “Did you always like her?”

 

Her brows furrow slightly at that question. The easy and obvious answer was yes, because it was true regardless of context. Evgenia was fun to be around and she had a personality that made you feel warm and safe when you were around her. That, and Evgenia was the nicest person to her from the moment she joined Eteri’s group. She was hopelessly mesmerized by her from that point on. Always somewhere between wanting to be her, or be with her all the time.

 

“You could say that,” she finally says.

 

Dasha grins, reaching her foot out to playfully kick her. “Must have been a hell of a moment for you, considering how much you looked up to her. It’s like those fanfictions were the fan suddenly finds themselves dating their celebrity crush.”

 

Well, she hoped to god she never acted like one of _those_ girls. Like the girls everyone perceived Evgenia to be, like an annoying super fan for Yuzuru before becoming friends with him.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she blushes despite herself. “I’ve always liked Evgenia a completely normal amount.”

 

“Whatever you say, buddy,” she says with her hands up, brows raised in a teasing manner before she drops her hands and scoots up out of her seat to lean over to her. “What’s kissing her like?”

 

Alina chokes on the bite of food she had just taken. Lightly smacking at her chest to get a grip over her sudden surprise at such a question, pinning her friend with a lopsided, awkward little smile. “I thought you didn’t want details?”

 

“Please,” Dasha drawls. “You knew I didn’t mean that.”

 

Alina rolls her eyes, focusing back on her food and gently stabbing at the chicken she was trying to finish while being interrogated. Shrugging slightly and coming up with the only answer she can because, well, she didn’t actually know. What kissing Evgenia was like or kissing in general for that matter. “It’s like kissing anyone.”

 

“Boring,” Dasha sighs. “I’ll have to go get juicy deets from someone else.”

 

The conversation literally does end there, that was sort of their thing. Dramatically leaving the other hanging and all Alina can do is chuck a torn off piece of her dinner roll at her retreating friend and laugh.

 

Things going back to feeling like she was adrift in a sea of friends or foes or who knows. A few of the girls are gathered around the large tv in the communal space, playing some sort of dancing game on the Wii that she’s pretty sure she’s played with her sister in the past.

 

She’s kind of awkwardly standing to the side, messing around on her phone, thinking about just going back to her room and calling it a night. That’s when she feels a light weight on her shoulder and warm breath on her neck. Turning her head slightly to find Evgenia standing with her, chin resting on her shoulder.

 

“Hi.”

 

It’s the second time today she’s felt Evgenia behind her, this close. Except this time she was closer. 

 

“What are you doing?” She asks.

 

“I missed you,” is the answer she gets. Like she had earlier.

 

“You did this earlier. We spent plenty of time together today,” Alina says somewhat jokingly.

 

“I mean it just as much as I did earlier. Why aren’t you hanging out with everyone else?” Evgenia asks quietly. Breathing tickling her neck once more.

 

“When have I ever wanted to hangout with everyone else?”

 

She feels Evgenia’s body move against her with the laughter she gets in response. That voice right there at her ear, and she’s doing her best to keep her eyes open and aware of anyone who could be watching them. But it’s quite the battle because all she wants to do is let them fall closed and sink right into that voice. Not at all sure where that came from. Maybe she was just tired, and it was kind of relaxing and soothing.

 

“Did you enjoy your talk with Dasha?” Evgenia asks.

 

Alina just snorts. “Are you suddenly like Sasha and Alena, stalking me?”

 

“Oh yeah, I’d follow you anywhere.”

 

“Creepy," she starts, continuing after Evgenia's chuckle. “She wanted to know all about our _juicy_ details,” she manages to utter under her breath.

 

“I see,” Evgenia hums thoughtfully. “What did you tell her?”

 

“I just kept up with the act.”

 

Evgenia doesn’t say anything else, just stands there and doesn't seem intent on leaving. Like maybe, just maybe she was enjoying the warmth and stillness after such a long day, as much as Alina was. However hard she's trying not to let herself get too wrapped up into it.

 

“Is this part of the act?” She asks. Questioning what had gotten into her moments ago turns into wondering what has gotten into Evgenia. She wasn’t sure this sort of thing fell under fake dating plans. She didn’t know the rules of fake dating, but people who weren’t really a couple didn’t do this, right?

 

Amazingly, she wills herself to move any part of herself. Slowly turning around and if she were a l i t t l e bit weaker, that might have been her downfall. Turning around and finding Evgenia’s eyes swimming somewhere between neediness and disappointment that whatever this moment was, was over.

 

“I’m going to sleep,” she eventually whispers. Voice a little too quiet and she’s never felt more overwhelmed in her life. 

 

Alina flees to her room as quickly as she can, and Evgenia doesn’t follow after her. Relieved and disappointed about that all at once.

 

.

.

.

 

Things go back to being a little more normal after that little episode. Alina rationalizing with herself it was probably some exhaustion induced need to be close and comforted because the day had been a bit of a roller coaster. Who she was referring to, she didn’t know. Maybe more so Evgenia, maybe the both of them.

 

Evgenia sits with her at breakfast and they talk like nothing happened. Laughing over fruit and oatmeal and stupid videos they’re watching on Alina’s phone. Occasionally she finds Sasha or Alena or Dasha watching them. They couldn’t possibly be _that_ interesting.

 

Practice is about the same as it was the day before, and for the first time in as long as she can remember she finds herself anxious for it to be over rather than enjoy her time on the ice. She was just tired of the looks and the tension and unsaid of avoiding contact with Evgenia. No one seemed to care that they very clearly spent time together outside of this rink. Why acknowledging each other’s existence inside of it was such a problem, she’ll never understand.

 

She just tries to get her work done. Enjoys her time with Dasha, and enjoys her time with Evgenia away from the rink. Again, that moment, never coming up again. She thinks about it briefly when the two of them are in the common room, watching a movie because they were too tired to get up and go to either of their rooms to do that. She was half slouched against Evgenia, and Evgenia was half slouched against her. But she pushes it as far from her mind as she can and enjoys the remainder of the movie until they’re both kicked out and sent to bed by Brian in full dad mode.

 

And finally the day of the test for the free skate arrives, and she’s both excited at the prospect of these weird training sessions being over and upset knowing at the end of this, Evgenia would be going back to Canada.

 

She tries not to think about it, like she’s been trying not to think about a lot of things. It’s not so bad when they are together, but she gets lost like she always did in that infectious way Evgenia had about herself. Forgetting anything and everything because her friends terrible jokes were better, and her laughter was more important.

 

Alina is absolutely blown away by what Evgenia ends up doing on that ice. Her free skate unlike anything she’s seen from her, and while shades of the familiar Evgenia were of course there, this new one was something else. She feels small and insignificant when she has to go out there and do her own free, not really in a bad way, but in a way she kind of always felt because to her Evgenia always seemed other worldly. Despite that, when it’s all said and done, and each coaching team gets their notes from the officials, Evgenia smiles warmly at her and tells her she did a good job, and she was only going to get better.

 

Alina has to bite her tongue from saying all the emotionally ridiculous things she had been thinking, and instead just says the same things back.

 

She wants to find a way to escape the rink without having to deal with seeing anyone else, she could just talk to her coaching team later. Ducking away and into the hall when she gets a chance, heading for the locker room when she’s stopped suddenly by someone calling her name. She turns around and finds one of the boys from some other team she didn’t know, approaching and looking all too sure of himself and she knows exactly where this is going.

 

“You were awesome out there,” he says. His voice is a little more mature than the usual cracked voice of the awkward fourteen or fifteen year old she would get fighting for her attention. He looked about her age, maybe a year older.

 

“Thanks,” she says plainly.

 

“Look, I’ll cut to the chase,” he says with a laugh that she thinks is supposed to be endearing, but isn’t at all because him wanting to jump right to what it was he really wanted out of this little interaction just puts her off more. “I’ve been watching you all camp, and, I thought I might finally build up the courage to ask for your number.”

 

She r e a l l y didn’t know why anyone was ever interested in her like this, she couldn’t understand why everyone else in the world seemed fixated on this sort of thing at their ages while she just rolled her eyes at it all.

 

“I don’t really do that,” she kind of awkwardly supplies as an answer. He looks confused.

 

“Don’t do what?”

 

“Give out my number.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that’s understandable.” He doesn’t take that as being turned down like she had hoped. “Maybe you could give me your VK account?”

 

Her patience is wearing thin, her feet ache and she’s tired. She didn’t want to deal with this. “I’m really sorry, but I’m not interested.”

 

He looks like he’s going to say something else, and she’s going to shoot him down a little less gently when a door opens and in walks Evgenia. Right to them, to her. Wrapping an arm around her waist protectively.

 

“Hi, baby,” she greets sweetly. "You ready to head out?”

 

Alina splutters slightly, eyes quickly darting to the guy still standing there and looking about as stunned as she felt.

 

“Uh huh,” she barely forces out.

 

Evgenia nods, turning away from her now and facing the other person in the hall. The look crossing her features a little less sweet when she isn’t looking at Alina. “Can we help you?”

 

He shakes his head, backing up with his hands raised. “Nope. I’ve got everything loud and clear, uh, enjoy the rest of your day.”

 

He walks off like a scolded dog with its tail between its legs, leaving the two of them alone. The older brunette turning to the younger and laughing.

 

“Good thing I showed up, huh?”

 

Alina kind of forces out a held in breath of a laugh. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

“Just have to protect what’s mine,” Evgenia answers. Squeezing her around the waist.

 

“You’re so obnoxious,” Alina says with an eye roll.

 

“Just be glad I didn’t do that annoying thing they do in movies, you know, big kiss without warning the person." 

 

Alina stares at her, a bit bewildered and lets out probably the dumbest laugh of her entire life. Too loud and too awkward as she shimmies her way out of Evgenia’s hold.

 

“Yeah, good thing,” she agrees. Evgenia just gives her a smiling, weird look before Alina looks away and tries to regain her composure. The two of them walking the rest of the way down the hall and packing up together to leave in silence.

 

“Brian, David and I are going out for dinner to celebrate tonight, if you wanted to come?”

 

Alina looks up from zipping her backpack, surprise evident on her face at the invitation extended to her. She hadn’t really thought about what she was going to do for her last night here. Probably just do the same old, go to her room and lounge around. Maybe hangout with Dasha for a couple hours.

 

“That’s sweet of you,” she says with a smile. “But you go enjoy your time with your coaches.”

 

Evgenia kind of gives her the sad puppy eyes. “You sure?”

 

“Yeah,” she nods.

 

“Can I at least see you after? I could bring you dessert or something.”

 

That she definitely wasn’t going to pass up on. Reaching into the front pocket of her backpack and pulling out one of the extra room keys she had. “You can let yourself in.”

 

Evgenia walks over to where she’s sitting, taking the card. "What would you like me to bring you?”

 

“Surprise me,” she says with a shrug. Evgenia just grins, bending and pressing a fleeting kiss to her cheek.

 

“I’ll see you later.”

 

Alina gives a small wave of a goodbye, Evgenia ducking out of the locker room before anyone else came filing in. She’s left smiling to herself, finishing gathering her things when a few of the other girls do finally show up. Spotting Dasha in the middle and jumping up to her. The two friends agreeing to hangout and eat together until her other plan for the night showed up.

 

.

.

.

 

It was getting later, and she knew they both probably going to regret staying up as late as they did consider tomorrow was a travel day. Alina didn’t have nearly as far to go, but still. Sleeping at a reasonable time would have been good for Evgenia’s sake.

 

But it was apparently silently agreed upon to soak up as much time together as they could. There’s a half eaten piece of cake sitting in a box on the bed, Evgenia propped up against the headboard with Alina sitting between her friends legs. Head resting on her chest, having found themselves there because Evgenia had promised to braid her hair for fun like she used to. Watching some ridiculous late night reality show.

 

“I think a reality show with a bunch of skaters would be hilarious,” Evgenia ends up suggesting. Alina giggling softly.

 

“All of us hulled up in one big house together? People might die.”

 

“That, or so many people would end up pairing off. Think about all the weird romantic feelings and sexual tension we don’t know about.”

 

“I’d rather not,” she snorts.

 

“Do you think people would ship us if we were on one of those shows?”

 

“What makes you think people don’t already?”

 

Evgenia raises a brow, turning slightly and looking down at her. “Do you know things that I don’t know?”

 

Alina shrugs, smirking. “I’m just saying, it’s not like people don’t do that stuff already. You should know better than me.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” Evgenia sighs. “What if I’ve been Yuzu’s beard all along?”

 

“While also fake dating someone of the same sex, too?”

 

“Figure skating is gay chaotic energy personified,” Evgenia jokes.

 

Both of them laughing, and falling back into silence as the show plays on. A thought occurring to her, that she’s kind of been thinking about all night.

 

“Zhen, do we stop this whole fake dating thing when we leave? Was it just for the time we were here, or…?”

 

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Evgenia admits.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I mean,” the oldest quickly begins again. “We kind of played this up like it was pretty serious.”

 

“Right…” she murmurs.

 

“And it’s not like we will suddenly stop getting guys asking us out.”

 

“What are you saying?” She asks, tilting her head to look up at the other girl. Evgenia looking down at her.

 

“I guess we keep it up? For a little while longer. That makes sense, right?”

 

Alina thinks for a moment, humming. “It would be pretty weird if we suddenly broke up once we were done here.”

 

“Right. We’re trying for believability.”

 

“Right,” Alina agrees. Both of them falling silent again before she thinks of another question.

 

“When do we break up? Or, fake break up?”

 

“Maybe we could stage a big dramatic break up at the Japan Open next month.”

 

Alina sits up a bit, turning around and pinning the other girl with a surprised, questioning look. “You’re going to that after all?”

 

“Surprise,” Evgenia grins sheepishly. “It was last minute, I know. Carolina had something else pretty important come up, so they asked me again. Brian said it was okay.”

 

She probably has the dopiest smile on her face right now. “I get to see you next month?”

 

Evgenia matches the smile on her face with a bight eyed, warm smile of her own. “Yeah. Anyway,” she adds. Nodding in the direction of Alina’s cake. “You gonna finish that?”

 

Alina rolls her eyes, picking up the box and she winds up trying to feed Evgenia cake, both of them laughing loudly when Alina pulls it back from her when Evgenia tries to take a bite, only for Alina to shove it right in her face. And she’s just, all kinds of happy in that moment. Letting Evgenia pull her back down against her after she cleans up her face and they stay like that all night. Cuddling and talking and watching TV. Alina feeling content and not an ounce of the sadness and dread she had been feeling about saying goodbye to Evgenia the next morning. That’s replaced with excitement knowing she can be right back here, like this, in just just a months time.

 

.

.

.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand we're back to the disaster gays and their disaster adventures. this is the less than fun chapter so you've been warned. at least you get some soft content in the first half?
> 
> thanks for sticking with me and reading it really means a lot. <3

**~~~**

 

 

Things go back to normal when the test skates wrapped up and the camp officially ends. Evgenia departs back to Canada, their goodbyes taking place in small cafe in town rather than the airport as Alina would have liked. She had still been thinking about those warm, safe arms around her and the lingering kiss to her cheek hours later when she's at practice. Relieved to find out no one decided now that the former pupil wasn't around, they could pin her with angry disapproval of her fraternizing with the enemy. Eteri still gave her the occasional _remain focused and undistracted_ talk that definitely had more to do with her personal life and than it did her athletic life. No matter, she didn't let it take any real meaning.

 

Sasha and Alena don't really bother her as much as they had, but they definitely still make their presence known. Occasionally they would drop questions in the locker room around everyone, asking how her special someone was doing, but without ever mentioning a name, thankfully. Relieved to find they actually kept their word about the whole not telling anyone just because it was news they knew. Other times they would ask her in private how things with Evgenia were going. Sometimes they would even send her social media related Zhenya posts just to tease her.

 

_She looks good here, doesn't she?_

_On a scale of 1-10, how gay does this picture make you?_

 

Sometimes she had to laugh about it. It got weirdly easy to play along, after all. And she always made sure Evgenia knew about it.

 

_Why didn't you answer the question though?_

 

**Hmm?**

 

_How gay does it make you?_

 

**Sorry, Zhen, I can't read**

 

And aside from all of that, she got Masaru back from the trainer she had been at for some time now. Making coming home at the end of every day all the more enjoyable again. She talks to Nathan every single day, keeping him up to date on her everyday life and he does the same. The whole fake dating Evgenia thing doesn't come up all that often, just when she knows he's curious about how she is and how they are, in full protective big brother mode. She hears from Shoma sometimes as well, sometimes being told by him that Yuzuru would (affectionately) whine to him that Evgenia wouldn't shut up her sometimes. She could never be too sure if Shoma knew that it wasn't real or not, but nevertheless, she kind of likes knowing that even when she isn't around and they aren't talking in any given moment, Evgenia is still thinking of her and talking about her. Because it's almost always the same case for her.

 

Everything is good and normal, and one night on Skype with Evgenia, she's feeling so good, she just blurts it out.

 

"I'm really happy," she says. Looking at her laptop screen with a peaceful, serene smile. Watching Evgenia pause in what she had been saying, eyes flicking to focus back on her. A smile crossing the older girls lips as well.

 

"Yeah?"

 

Alina nods, attempting to hide that growing smile behind her hand. "Everything just feels really good right now."

 

"And here everyone thought you would fall apart, after worlds, after my departure," Evgenia says. She's laughing as she says it, but Alina can still hear the underlining irritation with those words.

 

Evgenia was still protective, still defensive when anything negative was directed her way. It was the same all their years together; at the rink when people would bother her, for being the new girl, for not being on the same level as the rest, for being shy and quiet. At competitions when Alina seemed overwhelmed by the spectacle of it all. With the media when no one cared about the truth, just the story they wanted to write. It was the same, even with miles and oceans and land masses between them.

 

Alina's calm always quieted Evgenia's storm, and she just gently speaks. "None of us is ever perfect. I'm still going to have slip ups. I just know it's not the end of the world, and I can only get stronger from moments like that."

 

Evgenia is looking at her, quiet and thoughtful. Despite that clear irritation, her smile remains the same. "I'm really proud of you. And I'm glad you're happy after everything. You never needed me anyway to prove you're worth something."

 

Alina knew that, knew what her friend meant. But that wasn't really the point. "I'm happy in large part because of you," she answers. Old habits of shyness coming through in the way her voice had lowered as she said those words.

 

"It's what you deserve," Evgenia says back. No joke before or after, a sincerity that has Alina swearing her face might remain stuck the way it is because she's smiling so hard. It wouldn't really be a bad thing if that were the case. Looking up through her lashes at the image of Evgenia sitting in front of her.

 

"And you? Are you happy?"

 

Evgenia nods. "Happier than I've ever been. And it doesn't just have to do with the obvious major changes in my life." She pauses, Alina watching Evgenia's own version of shyness appear, however rare that was, as she licks her lips and fumbles around for her words for a moment before continuing. "You're a big part of that."

 

Both girls wind up just a little bit flustered by the sudden turn of the call. Serious, but not unpleasantly so. Sharing affectionate smiles and looks without so much of a word between them. Something Alina had always been used to when it came to Evgenia. They did a lot of communicating through looks alone, and that communication tactic only seemed to grow stronger.

 

Eventually it's Alina who shakes out the funny little butterflies she's feeling and breaks the silence. "I should probably get to bed. I have my costume fitting tomorrow."

 

Evgenia follows suit with a hum. "Final products, huh? You'll have to send me pics."

 

"If you send me pictures of you in your costumes," Alina grins.

 

"Deal," Evgenia chuckles.

 

Evgenia wishes her a goodnight, Alina a good afternoon and remainder of the older girls day. And before she's really settled in bed she gets a text message that sends her to sleep smiling another stupid, happy smile.

 

_I'm always going to try and make you happy, Al._

 

_._

_._

_._

 

The first text message from Evgenia the next day has her rolling her eyes, though.

 

_Glad it's not a tutu. Imagine you ended up known as the tutu girl_

 

**Imagine you ended up blocked and removed from my phone forever because you're rude**

 

_I'M KIDDING YOU ROCK ANYTHING_

 

***middle finger emoji***

 

"Hey, Zagitova, stop texting your girlfriend and help us take these boxes out."

 

Alina jerks her head up immediately when she hears those words. Finding Alena and Sasha on the other end of the room carrying exactly what Sasha had gently yelled at her about. She puts her phone into her jacket pocket, sighing as she stands and makes sure her new costumes are tucked away safely before she left them. Walking across the room and gathering up the leftover wrapping and boxes from other girls new costumes and equipment. Attempting to not make conversation, but naturally the other two have other ideas.

 

And it isn't the worst thing, at first. It was at least relevant to what she's been feeling so much of lately.

 

"Did Evgenia like your costumes?" Alena asks.

 

"She likes the Carmen costume most. She said red is my color." Alina supplies. The younger girls immediately giggling in response.

 

"Of course she thinks that." Sasha says.

 

"Alright," Alina drags out, relatively less amused as she tosses the box she had just folded flat into the recycling out back. "Nice seeing you two."

 

"Wait, we're just messing around!" Alena says with mild urgency and a bit of a chuckle. Alina stopping in the start of her retreat and turning halfway to face them again.

 

"We're honestly really happy for you. I think it shows pretty well how happy you are," Sasha says. Noticeably more serious and genuine than just a few moments ago. Alena nods next to her.

 

"Like it was clear even before we knew, that night in the hallway."

 

Alina raises a brow at that. "What night in the hallway?"

 

"At camp," Alena starts. "When you stayed over in Evgenia's room."

 

"You were watching us?" Alina questions, the slightest of blips of annoyance in her tone. And nerves.

 

"I wouldn't say _watching_ ," Sasha shrugs. "We're just saying, it was a nice moment. You both seem happy together."

 

Alina doesn't say anything right away, or at all after that. Somewhere between angry and freaked out that anyone else other than herself and Evgenia had been witness to one of their private moments. And it wasn't even like it was something you should actually be afraid of people knowing.

 

It was just the realization that, through other eyes, they looked like the opposite of a fake happy couple. But a real one. Nothing staged for people to see, an actual moment between them, that they thought had been just between them. She doesn't even bother saying bye to the two younger girls when they give up with this encounter and wander off. Too consumed by this new realization that hadn't even been a dot in her radar.

 

And she remains consumed by it for the remainder of the day. Not being distracted by her personal life and decisions isn't really a thing during practice, and she has to listen to that for somewhere close to fifteen minutes at the end of it. And if she had been thinking hard about anything else, the first sign of trouble probably would have been made aware to herself when the first person she goes to when she gets home, isn't Evgenia at all like it usually is, but Nathan.

 

"I have almost an hour before my next class, so we got time. What's up?" He says when the connection for FaceTime is made.

 

She kind of stares at her phone for a moment, nervous and uncertain and hoping that perhaps she was just making a bigger deal of things for whatever reason.

 

"Sasha and Alena told me something today, and it got me thinking," she says carefully. Running her free hand through her hair, fingers combing through in an effort to settle those weird little nerves she was feeling.

 

"Okay," he drawls. "Good thinking, or bad thinking?"

 

"I'm not sure," she admits. Biting her lip.

 

"Alina, you know I'm a safe place, you can tell me anything," he offers. Clearly sensing his friends discomfort and uncertainty and for definitely not the first time, she's incredibly grateful for his patience and thoughtfulness.

 

Taking a deep breath, she lets herself open up. "They told me they saw this moment, between Zhenya and I. Mind you, I thought it was just us. I was just being myself. We were just being ourselves."

 

He nods along to her words, unspeaking and giving her room to continue on.

 

"It's just, they... they talked about it like it was really good evidence of us being a happy couple. And it freaked me out because we weren't trying to pretend then, we were just, hanging out. Acting like we always have."

 

Nathan is still quiet. Appearing to be thinking and while she was glad he wasn't laughing in her face and telling her I told you so, the silence isn't really much better. Alina shifting in her spot on her bed, bringing a leg up and resting her chin against her knee as she stares at her phone.

 

"I was afraid something like this would happen," he winds up saying. Rubbing at his temple and sighing. "Have you two crossed any lines?"

 

"I don't think so," she shakes her head. "If by that you mean, like, doing really couply things like kissing and stuff, no."

 

Thoughts of mentioning the whole moment they shared in the common room together, Evgenia wrapped around her and that warm breath on her neck, that never comes up. God forbid she saw his face hearing that.

 

"What were you two doing in the hall?"

 

"Just, standing around. She held my hands before we went into the room. We joked about how I always steal her clothes after sleepovers."

 

He gives her a very pointed look when he hears that, and she sighs in defeat.

 

"Which in hindsight, I can see what that might look like."

 

Surprisingly enough, his next response is a laugh. Which makes her laugh, too. Despite the still weird, nauseating feeling of nerves and fear that she was messing up somehow. Or doing something she shouldn't be doing. Not because it was bad, it was just— complicated. Everything felt complicated all of a sudden, which felt unfair because for the past few weeks nothing has felt complicated at all. Funny how it can just turn on a dime like that.

 

"I guess it could have been worse," he shrugs. "And I guess in reality it's a good thing you're aware of this. The last thing I want is for you to find yourself in a situation where things are more dangerously real than they are fake."

 

"When you say dangerously..." she murmurs.

 

"I just mean that, you know, feelings are complicated. What if something real did happen? What if either one of you didn't mean it, when the other did?"

 

She's quiet, brows furrowed and swallowing a little hard. "You're afraid that I would be the one who thinks it's real, aren't you?"

 

Nathan takes a careful breath in, speaking on the exhale. "I know you better than I know her, so I can't speak for her. But all I'm saying is that I know that you love easily, and I know you do it with your whole heart."

 

She doesn't say anything, mulling over those words and uncertain if she wanted to cry for some strange reason, or laugh for an even stranger reason. Either reason unbeknownst to her, frankly.

 

"Besides," he adds quickly. "It could mean nothing at all. I get being freaked out by it, but nothing major has really happened, right?"

 

"No," she says in a small voice.

 

"See, you could just be overthinking it. It happens to the best of us."

 

She quickly decides she wants to go with that reasoning rather than anything else. Mostly to save herself the emotional distress. But ignoring things in the long run probably wasn't going to help. She's just not thinking about the long run at all, though. Just right now, and how weird thinking about this made her feel, and how much better she feels with Nathan telling her over and over again that she was going to be fine if she allowed herself to be, rather than dwell on an issue that might not even really be there. That's enough for now, and it's enough to get her through this meltdown.

 

Nathan tells her he can't wait to see her at the Japan Open, and she starts looking forward to that. Starts focusing on seeing him and seeing Evgenia and proving to herself that it was just some weird little meltdown that her brain decided to have just to mess with her. It happens.

 

.

.

.

 

For the most part, she's pretty calm after all of that. She's too busy getting ready for the official start of season to even think about it, really. But frustrations don't disappear entirely. That start to her season gets derailed when she has issues getting out of the country because of her documents. Instead of competing she gets to see the occasional dialogue about how she _must_ be hurt and she _must_ be done for and that the documents thing was just a cover up. She doesn't see it much, she's never really been one to peruse the internet for things about herself, but she sees enough in comments and VK posts on the few skating pages she followed. Her own response comes quickly in a sarcastic instagram update, stating she went to the competition, while hugging Masaru in the hall of her apartment building. She thinks it's funny, and about the only thing she can control at the moment, so why not.

 

Masaru licks her hand as she's petting her, then her face and she feels better. She quickly gets added to Nebelhorn and it's satisfying at least to give another middle finger to anyone who thought she wasn't prepared or hurt. A desire to go out there and perform to the highest of her capability even stronger than before.

 

In the mean time, she focuses a little more at practice. She gets less talks about _no distractions_  and figures that's a good thing. Even if during her down time she definitely still is talking to Evgenia, and following along to what Evgenia was up to. It was her first competition of the season, after all. She wanted to be supportive.

 

The meltdown she had about the two of them the furthest thing from her mind now with everything else. And it wasn't like her to let a possible inner turmoil prevent her from being a good friend.

 

She sends good luck texts, and she watches videos when they're up on YouTube and she has the time. The closest she gets to thinking about Evgenia in any capacity that wasn't just friendly or strictly a fake showing of romantic love and affection, is when she sees her in that short program dress and nearly drops her phone.

 

If she did feel that way, that scale Sasha and Alena had presented, probably would have been broken. She had eyes, it was hard not to notice how good she looked. Other people were in agreement, so it wasn't a big deal. She doesn't really think it's that big a deal when she likes a post of Evgenia on instagram simply because she liked what she saw and she was being supportive. There was nothing weird or  _more_  about that. Saving some pictures has nothing to do with that or how good she looks. More to do with antagonizing material to send Evgenia like she had when Alina had shared her costumes. It was definitely that.

 

**Sexy Evgenia is a strange concept**

 

_Stop sending me that picture_

 

**SHIMMY SHIMMY, SHAKE SHAKE**

**HIP POP, HIP POP**

_You'll be sorry when I get more comfortable with it and I really AM sexy_

 

**You say that like I care if you're sexy or not**

 

_I hate you_

_Also stop saying sexy, it's weird coming from you_

 

**Says the one who wants me to be blown away by you being sexy?**

 

_Bye_

 

Alina laughs as she puts her phone aside and finishes getting ready for bed. Getting up for her own competition in the morning. Evgenia wishes her good luck and tells her goodnight and it reassures her knowing nothing actually did feel weird or off. It was the same old, same old after all. Evgenia wasn't flipping out, at least she didn't think so. There was no change in the way she acted, so she figured she didn't need to be freaking out either.

 

She just enjoys when they do talk, and goes out and has exactly the competition she had hoped for. Maybe even better than. And she's right back to feeling happy again.

 

.

.

.

 

The flight to Japan was exhausting as it always was, and she barely slept as she always did. Always caught between excitement about getting there and actually letting herself relax. She had good reason to be extra excited. Looking forward to seeing her friends again, and after Nebelhorn she realized how much she missed competition and the rush it provided her. If she could, she would be skating all time right now. She was comfortable and felt good about herself after the disappointing end to the previous season and the rocky start of her summer training while dealing with her bodily changes. She finally felt good in her own skin again, and she thinks it showed so far.

 

She lugs her things up to her hotel room and collapses on the bed and is very quickly grateful there was no sharing with the coach or anyone else. That didn't mean she wouldn't have visitors, or rather, one in particular. Who will probably wind up basically being the second guest anyway.

 

She has to drag herself up off the bed when that knock finally does come, dragging her feet across the carpet and yanking the door open. Letting an Evgenia with a bag over her shoulder shuffle in.

 

"You wouldn't believe the hilarious look Brian gave me when I said I wouldn't really be spending much time in our room," Evgenia quickly starts rambling, bypassing any sort of greeting. Dropping her bag by the foot of the bed and depositing herself onto it. "I think he really thinks we're a thing."

 

Alina's response is a snort when she makes her way back over to the bed, plopping herself down up by the pillows. "Did you tell him you were coming to see me?"

 

"Well, no," Evgenia says, followed by a shrug. "I don't think I needed to say it. Hi, by the way."

 

Alina smiles lazily, extending a leg and prodding the other girl in the side. "Hi."

 

Evgenia turns around on the bed, tiny grin in place as she grabs hold of her ankle and tugs gently, causing Alina to yelp out a laugh of surprise as she slips down the mattress a bit. Attempting to kick at her friend in mild protest. Evgenia just winds up giving her an impromptu foot massage and she very nearly falls asleep as they talk about dumb stuff like the flight and what coffee they had in the morning before they left. It's nice. It was exactly what she had been looking for, that extra reassurance that she had freaked out for nothing.

 

When she wakes up a couple hours later after having finally actually fallen asleep, she wakes up to another body next to her. Evgenia lying flat on her stomach, head completely missing the pillows and her mouth is open a little bit as she breathes in and out evenly. She has no clue when she actually had finally passed out, or when the older girl had moved and put herself right next to her, but she didn't actually mind all that much. She sleepily looks at Evgenia in a rare moment of just getting to, because there was nothing else happening, and instead of finding herself panicking, thinking about what moments like this could mean in the bigger picture, all she can think about is how life wouldn't be so terrible if she got to have moments like this, like the one that had sent her spiraling, all the time. There was nothing wrong with that, right?

 

There was nothing wrong with the way she couldn't help but smile when Evgenia snuffled slightly in her sleep and it funnily enough reminded her very much of a sleeping puppy. Something she's sure Evgenia would roll her eyes at, but still smile. There was nothing wrong with how at peace she felt being next to Evgenia. There was nothing wrong with how happy it made her when she attempted to roll away and get out of bed to go to the bathroom, a half asleep whine of protest from the other girl and then an arm around her as Evgenia attempted to nuzzle her way into Alina's shoulder. Even if she really did have to go, she was still content. Happy.

 

She doesn't make a big deal of it at all. This was just them. This was their normal, she thinks.

 

And later, when they're both finally awake and lazily moving around the room to get ready for the dinner a bunch of them were going out to have, it feels like any other day. Like this was their routine all the time, and she supposes it kind of already had been. Evgenia waits for her by the door as she finishes fixing her hair and when she does finally put her shoes on and slip by her for the door, the other girl gently takes her elbow and stops her.

 

"If you feel at all uncomfortable or stressed out at any point, you tell me, okay. We can come back here and eat and watch a movie."

 

It was kind of typical of Evgenia to offer that, being out and social had never really been Alina's favorite thing. Not unless she was really comfortable with someone, and for the longest time Evgenia had been that only person she was comfortable with, outside of her family. But she was older now, and she actually did have friends. She was better at this, but it didn't mean she wasn't grateful though.

 

"Thank you, Zhen, but it'll be fine. We're supposed to have fun," she says with a warm smile.

 

"Alright," Evgenia breathes out, nodding. Leaning forward and kissing her cheek quickly. "We'll have fun."

 

And they do. When they show up at the restaurant the group had decided to meet up at, they are immediately overwhelmed by hellos and hugs. Alina all but throwing herself into Nathan's arms when they finally get to each other. With his strength, he actually manages to pick her up and spin her around in the middle of their hug, making her laugh wildly.

 

"Hello, hello, hello, Zagi. God, it's good to see you," he laughs warmly into her ear. Finally putting her down and extracting his arms from around her frame. Getting a good look at her now. "Did you grow more?"

 

Alina gently whacks his shoulder. "Shush, I didn't."

 

"Good," he grins. "Don't need my lil bub making me feel short."

 

She rolls her eyes, attempting to feign annoyance at the way he talked about her sometimes, but in all honesty it made her feel special that he did. The fact that their friendship was only several months long and he already was as supportive and protective as he was, it definitely got her through most days.

 

Eventually there's a throat clearing next to her, reminding her that Evgenia was there, too. Nathan doesn't miss it either, and opts for an awkward one armed hug for the other girl. Eyes flicking back to Alina, who only is amused by his sudden awkwardness around her not-actual-date friend.

 

"Evgenia, it's good to see you. I'm glad you actually got to be involved this year."

 

The older girl smiles pleasantly, seemingly brushing aside the awkwardness. "Can't really keep me away from this one," she says with a head tilt in her direction. Alina smiling as she leans into Evgenia's side with a light shoulder bump.

 

"She's here for the free food at the venue, don't be fooled," Alina teases. Getting an eye roll from Evgenia despite the way the older brunette leans just as easily into Alina's body as well, and a narrow eyed, but still smiling, look from Nathan as he observes the two of them.

 

Shoma eventually comes with his own hugs, he and Evgenia quickly discussing Yuzuru and her handing over a small, gift wrapped package from her purse that was from her friend and meant for Shoma. Alina was never one for cheesy gestures, but she likes seeing how soft his face gets and how happy he is just talking about Yuzuru and getting surprises gifts from him, even if it wasn't direct.

 

"How come I don't get a gift?" Alina playfully pouts as the group finally breaks it up and returns back to the table, she and Evgenia moving to get settled as well.

 

Evgenia turns her head subtly, looking at her with an arched brow. "You were the one who kept reminding me this is a fake relationship, so you get no presents."

 

"That's just rude," Alina says, with a mild _hmph_.

 

Evgenia puts her hand at the small of her back and gives her a soft pat before she settles in her chair, a smirk at the corner of her mouth. "I can take you shopping if you're so insistent."

 

"No, I don't want a pity gift now," she says dramatically. Dropping down into the seat next to Evgenia with just the same dramatic flourish.

 

"Isn't my presence gift enough for you?" Evgenia asks as she flips open the menu.

 

"A present is something I want, Zhen."

 

That gets her a kick under the table, making her laugh out of her playfully dramatic facade.

 

"Don't be an ass," Evgenia grunts.

 

"I'm sorry," she says around her laughter, eventually containing it and looking over the menu as conversation divulges around her.

 

As usual, Evgenia is the social butterfly and gets involved quickly. Alina sits there at first for the most part and just watches, listens. Jokes about what each team was going to do for their intros during the competition. Jokes with Javier about how he was stuck being the dad of this group. Antagonizing Shoma about making him open his gift in front of everyone, even going as far as to say they would get Yuzuru on the phone while he did it. That she does join in on, because she and Nathan and Shoma have developed a bit of a shorthand ever since The Ice in their methods of messing with the other. A couple of genuine congratulations do follow that though, happy that Shoma was happy. It was kind of a relief to know she surrounded herself with the right people who didn't see anything wrong with two guys being in love and being together. And she didn't even find herself as annoyed by couples when she thought of those two, as opposed to others. Heterosexual ones. Funny enough, she doesn't even question why that is.

 

She catches up with Mariah and the two of them plus Nathan wind up trying to do some of the rituals from the tea ceremony they had learned last time in Japan, much to Shoma and the rest of Team Japan's amusement when they mess up halfway through. Toasts are made and she shares different rolls and noodle dishes with Nathan and Evgenia and there's so much laughter going on, she doesn't even see it coming when the topic of her and Evgenia come up.

 

"So," Shoma drawls. Setting aside his just finished plate and resting his crossed arms on the table as he looks at the two Russians sitting across from him. "How is everything going with you two?"

 

She honest to god nearly forgot about this, and she forgot that Shoma knew. At least he knew what they had set out to make people believe. Nathan's gaze turns to her, hardening into a little more serious look, just a little because, well, that protective nature, you know. Evgenia seems the coolest when she grins, drapes an arm over the back of Alina's chair and talks like she owns the whole room.

 

"We're still going strong," she says. With all the confidence in the world.

 

"Wait," she hears Mariah say on her other side. "Are you two...?"

 

Alina opens her mouth to answer, but Evgenia beats her to it. "Dating? Yeah."

 

"How did I not know this?" Javier speaks up at the front end of the table. "Yuzuru tells me everything!"

 

She finds herself looking down and blushing because, dear god, it was a lot having a whole table sitting here looking at you after a bombshell like this. One that wasn't even a real bombshell to begin with. Evgenia just keeps up the cool act, that she doesn't think is an act at all, at least in terms of her personality. Laughing and shrugging.

 

"I've replaced you as best friend, Javi."

 

"You're both dead to me," Javi teases back, turning his gaze on Alina now. "Be careful with this one, she isn't to be trusted. If you ever need me to kick her ass, I will."

 

Evgenia laughs and waves him off like it's no big deal. Other people around her laugh. She laughs somewhat, quiet and awkward and for all her confidence sometimes when it came to this, she still hated being put on the spot like this. And Nathan doesn't laugh at all. She tries to ignore the look he's giving her, and focuses back on Evgenia instead.

 

"Yuzu swears the four of us are going to live happily ever after and have a double wedding or something," Shoma says with a laugh. Which, kind of had her confused somewhat. Didn't Yuzuru know this wasn't real? Why was he so certain of something that wasn't even real? Or, was he just messing with Evgenia? She didn't think he was that friend, but you never know. Maybe he was thinking about it differently than her best friend was. Maybe he was thinking about it like if they actually stopped pretending, it could be really good, and...

 

What? No. _No_. Don't think about it that way. Overthinking it was exactly what freaked her out in the first place. Maybe Yuzuru was just teasing Evgenia. Like Nathan teased her for being gay for Evgenia all along.

 

The slowly and quickly blurring lines here of what was fake and real were beginning to take their toll on her, and for all the moments she felt really good at Evgenia's side, wrapped up in those moments, everything away from that had her nervous and worried and why was she so worried?

 

"I don't need a wedding to know and prove that I would spend the rest of my life at Alina's side," she hears Evgenia say when she tunes back in. And it's not the first time she's heard the other girl say that. They promised each other at every practice, at ever competition. They promised each other when the most difficult thing they faced happened and they came out the other end closer than ever. Alina had just been thinking it earlier that evening, lying next to Evgenia and thinking nothing could be better than that. It's just, it's the first time she hears it, and all her nerves and freaking out make sense.

 

All the times she felt like her heart would leap out of her chest when Evgenia would smile at her, would lightly touch her or hug her, it makes sense. Her fear early in the summer of losing Evgenia forever makes sense. The way her heart beat wildly for a different reasons now. Things she hadn't been ready to acknowledge, because acknowledging them meant exactly what she had so confidently dismissed in the beginning; admitting that she was in love with the person of her dreams all along. The perfect role model, the perfect example of everything she wanted to be as an athlete. The only friend she knew for years. Everything about her was everything Alina could have ever wanted in another person. She just thought, maybe, it would be further down the road, and it certainly wouldn't have actually been the object of her admiration all these years.

 

She suddenly can't see, hear, think or breathe. Barely registering the phone vibrating in the purse hanging off of her chair. Her hands are a little shaky when she goes for it, looking at the screen and finding a text from her other important person sitting across from her.

 

_Are you okay?_

 

In all honesty, she wasn't. It wasn't really ideal to realize you were gay after all, and in love with the person sitting _right_ next to you, while out in public with a bunch of other people. She feels her chin wobble a little bit and god forbid she start crying right now and have to explain that.

 

**No I'm not. Can you please get me out of here?**

 

She looks up when he does, Nathan giving her a nod and pushing his chair back from the table with a clearing of his throat. "I hate to exit the fun early, but I promised Alina I would take her for dessert elsewhere. She's been dying to get Mochi from this place we didn't get to last time. Alina?" He says, nodding in her direction.

 

That hadn't been a plan at all, and so much for a subtle exit, but she wasn't about to complain. She feels that arm around her chair drop and Evgenia shift in her chair before she speaks.

 

"You sure you have to go?" She asks. And Alina pauses as she stands, looking at her like her whole life was oddly staring her in the face in this moment and knowing full well that if she did stay she would probably just blurt out that she loved her and wasn't opposed to a wedding in the future. And she definitely can't be doing that.

 

"Yeah," she murmurs. Watching Evgenia's lips part as she gears up to say something else, but doesn't get the chance. Shoma pipes up saying he had her and Nathan covered and they could just pay him back with a visit to an arcade or something. And she walks by Nathan's side without looking back once, escaping into the night air, and feeling like breath was returning to her lungs again.

 

She doesn't say anything right away, and neither does he. He stays close and she tries to gather her thoughts. It must be ten or fifteen minutes or so of silent walking before she finally utters anything.

 

"You were right all along."

 

"I'm not going to be the person who said I told you so," he says simply, but sweetly.

 

She just shrugs. "But you wouldn't be wrong in doing so. I was an idiot."

 

"No, Alina," he starts. Reaching for her elbow and stopping them both. "You're not an idiot because of the way you feel."

 

"I think I've felt this way all along," she murmurs, voice shaking as she tries and fails to fight off the tears. "I should've known better not to do it, it was stupid."

 

A sigh leaves Nathan's throat. "Okay, I'll be the first to tell you the whole idea was stupid, but stupid ends there. You're not stupid."

 

"How can I not be?" she says with a watery laugh. "I've been harboring the biggest crush on someone, and I thought I could handle it but it just made me aware of everything I've been denying, to you. To her. To myself."

 

He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out some tissues, being a figure skater and constantly having those on you seemed like the greatest unplanned thing ever in that moment. He hands them to her and lets her dry her eyes.

 

Nathan looks at her thoughtfully, and she finds a bit of a crestfallen smile on his lips as he attempts a joke to make her feel better. "I guess I should add that I always knew you exuded the biggest dumb gay energy."

 

Her previous laugh is a little stronger, though still throaty and watery as she snuffles into another tissue, heaving out a sigh. "I'm not as afraid of the gay part, you know? I should be, given where I'm from and such, but I'm not. I'm...I'm afraid of my feelings, and what might be ruined by them."

 

"Alina..." he whispers. The girl shaking her head and fighting to put a brave face on.

 

"It doesn't even matter, in the end. I can never tell her. What chance do I have of that going well? There's so much going against me if I do."

 

Her friends eyes are sad and worried when she looks up from the ground. And instead of find any other words to say, he steps forward and pulls her into a hug that she sinks into right away because at least here, she still felt like things would be okay. Nathan rubs her back and the only other things he says to her are that he was proud of her, that he would always be there for her, and she can get as much Mochi as she wanted because they were definitely going to go do that after all.

 

She goes back to her hotel room a little later on a bit of a sugar high, finding it empty and finding no text messages from Evgenia. And lastly, she finds herself too emotionally drained to even care.

 

.

.

.

 

The next day at practice, she's oddly content. She supposed it was a good thing getting such an emotional load off of her shoulders and her chest. She just didn't know what to do after that. She suddenly didn't know how to be around Evgenia without thinking about what she told Nathan. How could she just act like the perfect fake girlfriend? How could she even act like a friend who wasn't so hopelessly into the other girl?

 

And it wasn't like she was avoiding Evgenia for all those reasons, but she also wasn't actively seeking her out. Not like she always would in the past, and not like she would right up until 9PM last night. She just goes about her business, listens to her coach and finishes with a relatively easy practice under her belt. And the remainder of her time leading up to the actual competition is mostly spent with Nathan, Shoma and Mariah. And while she had been unofficially avoiding her, it was still a little unsettling given the fact that Evgenia, wasn't really seeking her out either. She was at practice, but they didn't talk. She was at the poolside dinner they had, but they didn't talk there either. Most notably unsettling was when she returned to her hotel room that night, the things Evgenia had left behind, were gone. Panic setting in that by simply _realizing_ how she felt, she managed to scare the other girl off.

 

Given all of that, the actual competition day is actually good. And it starts with, after an agonizing twenty-four hours or so of not speaking to each other, Evgenia coming up to her when she's about to pay for her morning coffee and does it for her. Apologetic as she leans against the counter next to her.

 

"I'm sorry for abandoning you," she says quietly. Alina doesn't want to start something that may end badly, so she just smiles, though an admittedly careful one.

 

"It's okay. I'm sorry for ditching you at dinner."

 

"Yeah, what was up with that?" She sounds like she's trying to be playful about it, but Alina wasn't really feeling...that.

 

"I guess I just felt overwhelmed and needed a breather." Not too far off from the truth, really.

 

"Al, I thought we agreed if that was what you needed, we could leave."

 

Her tone indicates hurt, and Alina tries not to think about how yeah, after all, she trusted someone else in that situation more than she trusted Evgenia. It was just, a lot. It was a lot to expect her to be okay with Evgenia so close and comforting her and not have her blurt out her deep, dark secret. She deserved some slack for that, right? It was a big, confusing time.

 

Nevertheless, she doesn't like the sound of Evgenia's voice like that. She doesn't like when she turns her head to look at the other girl and finds dancing brown eyes that look hurt and worried. And Alina, for the first time, questions her friends intensions.

 

"How come you didn't come back, or even text me? If it was such a big deal to you, I figured..." she trails off, watching Evgenia's features shift into a pinched expression.

 

"I thought it would be better to give you some space," the older girl says. "I didn't want to overwhelm or crowd you if you really needed space."

 

She swallows down that bubbling anger, and it feels a little bitter when she does. Evgenia's never done wrong by her ever, she was always careful and thoughtful around her. Did she really have reason to question that?

 

"I'm sorry..." she says, barely above a whisper. Shaking her head.

 

A lengthy sigh leaves her friend, and after a beat she feels a warm hand take her own. A thumb gently brushing over her skin as fingers gently thread through her own and squeeze. "Are you okay now, at least?"

 

Alina looks at the other girl, stares into those eyes, and feels like she could make herself believe she was as long as this was still a constant, in any way she could get it.

 

"I'm okay."

 

And she rides that for the remainder of the day. She thinks about how gentle Evgenia had been, how secure she felt with her hand around her own, and she takes that with her through the competition and while their team as a whole didn't win, she had her own victory in having the best program in the ladies field, managing to even top her world record score at Nebelhorn. She was happy and enjoyed herself and Evgenia sat next to her the entire time in the team kiss and cry. She told her typical, ridiculous Evgenia jokes that had her laughing just as ridiculously. She hugged her and congratulated her after her skate and Alina felt the same amount of warmth and safety in those arms as she always had.

 

Evgenia didn't stay with her that night, but that was okay. She still gets a cheek kiss at her door and a smile as Evgenia says goodnight. Alina, in her most cliche of moments, falling back into the door with a dreamy sigh and forgetting just for a moment, that this wasn't real. Evgenia wasn't playing pretend because there had been no one around to pretend for. But it also wasn't anything more than Evgenia being her usual, affectionate self. That good friend.

 

Thoughts circle in her head as she lays in bed, about how Shoma detailed Yuzuru being so sure they would stay together forever. Questioning at the time what that meant for someone who knew it wasn't real. What did she think? At first, she had been so sure it could only end badly. But, in the most hopeful part of herself, maybe, just maybe, there was more to it? Maybe Evgenia was so confident in something so fake because that was what she wanted? It had been her idea to try this whole fake dating thing. It was Evgenia who flirted like she invented flirting just to woo Alina. It was Evgenia who held her like she was the most important, and most precious thing she's ever encountered.

 

Maybe Evgenia felt the same way. Maybe she was just as terrified of saying anything as she was? It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to tell someone how you feel about them. It's a lot to put yourself out there like that, to put your heart on the line. And given everything else against them, she could understand it even more.

 

It was just as scary as everything else, but she arrives at a set decision. She could keep on pretending like everything was the same, just to save herself any potential heartache. Or, she could be honest with herself for once in her life, and maybe have everything.

 

.

.

.

 

How do you tell someone you have feelings for them? She had no clue. She's seen movies and shows and she's heard enough stories about her parents to get a basic idea, but that wasn't really helpful for her situation.

 

At breakfast in front of everyone wasn't a good time. They wouldn't have been all that shocked anyway, right? Everyone was convinced they've already done this and were several months into a relationship.

 

At rehearsal for the show following the competition wasn't a good time. Though, admittedly, it might have been entertaining to see her coaches head explode with that bombshell.

 

Planning it probably wasn't a good idea either, it would probably be less special that way. Her and overthinking, as she's come to realize, didn't really go well together. Instead she has fun in rehearsal. She learns some ice dancing moves from the Shibs, tries it with them, tries it with Nathan, and laughs her head off when they both find themselves flat on their stomachs on the ice. She even tries with Evgenia at some point, and it's kind of romantic, right? Dancing together. Evgenia's got her close, Alina's looking at her like she wants to say it. But never does.

 

She has fun performing her new exhibition program, and laughs even more when she gets off the ice and Evgenia gives her a stupid whistle and two thumbs up of approval. Sending her cheeks flaring up a storm. Walking up to her friend and taking her skate guards from her at the end of the show, clicking them into place.

 

"I was thinking we could go walk around for a bit, enjoy the city. Maybe grab some sushi before we call it a night?" Evgenia asks.

 

She's quick to agree. She wanted to enjoy her last night here, and considering they would have go without seeing each other for a while again, she wanted to make use of their time. Both of them parting ways and taking time to change and meet up in the lobby. Her whole planning, the furthest thing from her mind when they do meet up and circle around the hotel before finding themselves wandering through some garden that isn't too far away.

 

"You were incredible here. Honestly. Especially that exhibition program, I like seeing that side of you. All smiles and fun." Evgenia says, all smiles and warmth.

 

Alina smiles, too. Bumping her shoulder against her friends. "You weren't too bad yourself. I can see how hard you're working."

 

"I just hope it will all be worth it," Evgenia says quietly. Alina glancing to her, and seeing the slight vulnerability there.

 

"You're going to be just fine," she says. "You're a determined person, and strong. If you could make this change, you can do anything."

 

Evgenia's eyes move to find her own, big and round and so deeply brown. Full and bright, with a smile just as bright. "Thanks, Al. It's good to know I have someone on my side like this."

 

"I told you I always would be," she says with determined affection and seriousness. Reaching for Evgenia's hands and right before it happens, a fraction of a second or so, she realizes what she's about to do.

 

"I think I could also make you happy, like you told me." She can feel her entire being vibrating with nerves right now. Looking at Evgenia look back at her like that was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

"I already know you could do that, too," Evgenia says with a bit of a chuckle.

 

Alina just shakes her head, lips parting into a nervous smile. "No, Zhen, I don't just mean like what we have. I mean like, for real. Why couldn't that happiness we've been using to pretend, be real?"

 

As soon as the words are past her lips, she sees something change in those eyes. While they appeared warm and open, they glazed over alarmingly fast into something close to panic and uncertainty. And Alina just tried to hold onto Evgenia's hands a little tighter. Watching the girls throat bob up and down as she swallows.

 

"Alina, are you... you're not saying..." Words falling clumsily from her mouth.

 

"I like you. I have feelings for you," she sucks in a breath, looks up at the heavens for a second and then breathes out the truth around a laugh that can only happen when you're caught between relief and nerves. "I think I always have."

 

There's a deafening silence that follows those words. Thick and heavy and lingering. She had hoped this moment would have resulted in the same look Evgenia was giving her just moments prior to this, before it happened. She doesn't get dancing, happy, warm brown eyes. They remain unchanged.

 

"Alina, I..." Evgenia starts. Swallows. Lips tremble before more words come out. "All of that, it was just... it wasn't real."

 

She's never been high in her life, and never planned on it and if it felt like anything like she felt right now; like she was the happiest person on earth and nothing could take that away from her, only to come crashing back down and hit the ground in such a way that she could never come back from, she didn't want it. Ever.

 

"But... but you have been so... the way you've been with me, that didn't feel—"

 

"I was just pretending. That was the whole point, right?"

 

"I—"

 

"We agreed real feelings weren't going to be a thing. We agreed not to fall in love."

 

She feels tears building at the corners of her eyes, voice wobbly. "I can't control that."

 

"Alina," Evgenia mutters. Voice raw like she's fighting off her own inward, emotional battle. "It wasn't real. I don't..."

 

Alina nods in quick succession, letting go of the other girls hands and letting her arms fall to her sides limply. "I got it."

 

She's starting to pull away, physically and emotionally and it's the first time she notices any panic in the other girl about that. Evgenia moving forward as Alina tries to back away. Hands moving helplessly through the space between them.

 

"Al, don't— don't go. We can work this out. We can still be friends and—"

 

Alina chokes out a sobbing laugh, head moving side to side. "I can't. I can't— I can't do it. Not right now. I can't be your friend and act like—"

 

"Alina, please..." Evgenia says in a cracked voice, very near tears herself and it's suddenly a mess of two people afraid of losing the other, for two completely different reasons.

 

And it was fucked up, because just a few minutes ago no one could have possibly been happier than them. But she realizes pretty quickly, the person with the greatest capacity to make you the happiest person on earth, also had the capacity to take it all away. And in the end, she couldn't really blame Evgenia for that. You can't make someone love you, not the way she had hoped for. Evgenia might love her, but right now, that wasn't enough to stop the paralyzing ache that was starting to run through her entire body. Starting in her chest and making it all the way to the tips of her fingers.

 

She looks around helplessly, avoiding looking at Evgenia. Breathing deeply, shuddering when she breathes out as she attempts to control the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry for doing this. We can just— we can forget it ever happened."

 

"Alina..." Evgenia tries one more time, reaching out, but Alina shrugs away.

 

"I'm gonna go."

 

And she does. She gets out of there as quickly as her feet will allow her and she manages to keep it together until she's finally behind the door of her hotel room, sending one text begging Nathan to come, before ultimately falling apart in her bed as she waited.

 

.

.

.

 

Nathan's sitting at the end of her bed, she's curled up on her side facing towards the wall and the tears she had been shedding have mostly subsided now. When he showed up, she had still been a mess and all he could manage to do was get a toilet paper roll from the bathroom and sit next to her with his arm around her shoulders as she cried into his shoulder. She didn't know what to say, and he didn't force her to try and explain what had happened. When those tears had subsided, she still didn't speak. Not for a little while longer.

 

And he was quick to reassure her. "You don't need to tell me what happened, if you don't want to. But I am ready to listen."

 

She stares at the sheets, picking at them lazily as she breathes in and out. "Does it always hurt this much?"

 

Nathan smiles sadly, shifting to sit on the bed in a criss-crossed position. "Not always. I suppose it does the first time. And when the person means a lot to you."

 

She's still looking ahead of herself, unfocused and distant. "I really nailed it the first time, with a really important person, then."

 

"You know it isn't your fault it turned out this way, you didn't do anything wrong."

 

A sigh is her response, feeling herself still shudder somewhat when she sucks in that breath and lets it go. "I know. But I can't help but feel like an idiot for even thinking for a second that she would ever feel the same way. She's probably straight. Even if she wasn't, why would she ever see me that way?"

 

Nathan opens his mouth to say something, when there's a knock at the door. Their eyes meeting for a moment and he gets the hint pretty quickly that she wasn't going to be the one to get up and answer. He reaches out and squeezes her ankle in an attempt to be more supportive than he felt he was being, getting up and moving to the door to open it. His features immediately hardening when he sees the source of his friends sorrow on the other side.

 

"What are you doing here?" He asks coldly. And Evgenia looks about as surprised to see him here as he was about her presence.

 

"Is she in there? I need to talk to her," she blurts out quickly.

 

"I think you've said enough."

 

"Nathan, come on, I—"

 

"No," he puts his hand up. "She doesn't want to see or speak to you right now."

 

Evgenia's lips thin, chin raising defiantly. "I don't think you have the right to decide for her."

 

"I'm not. You weren't here for this part, you didn't see her. You need to leave."

 

"I'm not going to just leave, I need to fix—"

 

"There's nothing to fix! You already fucked it all up!" He hisses at her, stepping a little further out of the room because he didn't want Alina to potentially overhear any of this.

 

Evgenia blinks in surprise at his advance, but manages to stand her ground. "I didn't want to hurt her, I just thought I was—"

 

"What?" He cuts her off again. "Protecting her? Like you protected her when you left and didn't say a word to her? You should consider yourself lucky she was ready to forgive you for that."

 

Her gaze hardens now, and her eyes darken. "You know nothing."

 

"I know a hell of a lot more than you might think. And right now, you aren't the person she trusts. Just go," he sighs. Exhaling the anger boiling beneath. It wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth it.

 

A quick flash of bitterness and sadness crosses Evgenia's features, and her hands flex at her sides before her shoulders rise and fall in a defeated breath. Voice rough when she finally speaks again.

 

"I just want to make sure she's okay."

 

Nathan's defenses and readiness to protect his friend are high, but there is an ounce of sadness somewhere for Evgenia as well. Because deep down he knew they had no idea what to do, how to handle this. But at the end of the day, he cared more for Alina than anything Evgenia had to say right now.

 

"I don't think you have the right to help with that," he utters carefully. And Evgenia says nothing else. Gives one, long look. Eyes flicking past his head and into the room with a longing pushing down on her that was clear as day. And then she leaves. Nathan watching after her until she rounds the corner. Closing the door with a heavy breath as he leans his head against it for a beat before he pulls himself away and returns to the bed. Sitting down and squeezing Alina's shoulder.

 

"Let's order some ice cream."

 

There's a small snuffle, and then a smaller voice. "I can't have ice cream. I've had too much sugary stuff this trip."

 

"You can have ice cream," he insists. "It's the cure all for this sort of thing."

 

Alina lays there, unmoving, and he's suddenly very grateful for his own first heartbreak never hurting like this. But he's reminded just how strong she is, even in the worst of moments, when she reaches out and squeezes his wrist with a gentle smile.

 

"I want sprinkles."

 

He nods, smiling warmly. "You can have all the sprinkles you want."

 

.

.

.

 

You can only get stronger from there. You can only learn more. Alina would know better in the future to ever believe something ridiculous like this and that you only see in movies, would ever work out that way for you in real life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> don't kill me
> 
> :)


End file.
